


Half A Broken Heart

by gay_shipper



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Confused Time Kids, F/F, Sara has PTSD, Sara has feelings, Slow Burn, Soul Selling, Time Fugitive Sara, Worried Ava, altered timeline, angsty, sad Sara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23352322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gay_shipper/pseuds/gay_shipper
Summary: Sara's not okay, the team's a mess and no one knows what to do. With trouble always looming and the past playing tricks on them how far will the captain go to fix their fate? What will she give up? Her desire for happiness is strong but she holds the people she loves above all else. With a trip back in time, what would she change?When the captain finds a way to change her own personal history without creating a paradox she may know better than to drastically alter set points in time but maybe she can savour the little moments just a little bit more.
Relationships: Gary Green & Ava Sharpe, Nate Heywood & Ava Sharpe, Nora Darhk & Ava Sharpe, Ray Palmer & Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance & Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 18
Kudos: 59





	1. A Lost Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this whole story premise started out as a one shot in my head but I got a little carried away.  
> Be gay. Do crime.

Sara’s POV

Life can never be simple for just a moment. Nate, Zari, Charlie and Behrad were a prime example of that. Behrad had a weird thing going on with Charlie and something else with Nate. Charlie had something with Behrad and wanted something with Zari. Nate was hopelessly chasing after Zari and the girl herself was interested in the shape-shifter. Couldn’t the waverider just have a little bit of calm? Every single day with that lot brought new drama, thankfully the job still got done. We had spent too much time cooped up on this ship together and all needed a break, I’d take us all somewhere nice for a holiday when there was a free moment. A time-travelling spaceship wasn’t the worst idea, filling it with 6 people and a sassy AI was. 

Something was bound to go even more wrong. A more than friendly incident had apparently happened with Zari and Charlie (as some celebrity heartthrob), now Behrad and Nate were both moping and to make it all worse John and gone and pissed off another inhabitant of hell. Trying to make things even a little better had led to me asking for help. Norra and Ray had been my first call but because of something I’d said the couple was now fighting and still nothing had helped our situation on the ship. Even Ava was growing agitated. I needed to do something. 

Our break would be taken after the next mission and last 2 weeks. I didn’t care if the crew wasn’t happy about it. 2 weeks of freedom. If any missions were urgent, well they could still be dealt with a few weeks later. That’s the plan I put into action. Everyone was dropped off at their respective destinations while Ava and I planned to spend our time in Star City, I wanted her to meet any people still alive I could call friends. With this trip, a few other friends stopped by for a meal too. My girlfriend didn’t seem to like Kara’s sister for some reason, weird. 

A disheartening feeling settled in my chest during that trip. It was weird seeing all these people and Olly not being there, his daughter was even there, the infant one. I started having weird dreams again. It wasn’t rare for me to lie awake for hours or even wake up with an accelerated heart rate for a reason I wasn’t even sure of. As much as Ava tried to comfort me I was often alone. On many occasions, I’d wake up and just need to leave, immediately. That was when I’d leave the hotel before even the staff had arrived; every run just led me back to uncomfortable memories. The worst of all was the graveyard. Walking the rows I could find Oliver and the spot where my sister had once been was now empty, the merging of worlds had completely erased her. There was only a different woman in her place in my life.

My phone would ring sometime in the early morning. The first time Ava had been worried, almost frantic, now her sleepy voice carried through the phone. I always gave her some excuse about going out to get breakfast. It was a good thing I’d had my wallet the first time or she definitely would’ve known I was lying, as opposed to her strong suspicion. I would be partially honest with her though. Every morning I stayed true to my story and brought back food from different places I’d visited as a child. We’d eat in silence. Nothing much was said until one of us proposed an idea, one of those days she met my dad and Laurel. 

I saw the way she looked at me every morning at breakfast. As much as I pretended I couldn’t see it, I knew she was worried about me. If I were anyone else in any other life I may have been able to talk to her. One day she seemed to have had enough of my ignorance.  
“Are you ever going to talk to me?” I’d heard an exasperated tone from her many times but never directed towards me, all I could do was play dumb.  
“About what?” The act did not work at all.  
“You know what I’m on about.” Obviously.  
“A few bad dreams are nothing babe, it’s fine.” I just needed her to accept this, I wasn’t prepared to do this right now.  
“Fine is you sneaking out at stupid o’clock in the morning for a run and not coming back until 9 or 10, is it?” Oh definitely not.  
“I’m a trained assassin in a city that recently lost its vigilante, I’m only keeping up my skills.” All true in a way, there had been reports of the return of ‘white canary’.  
“I want to believe you, Sara, I really do but I’m worried about you.” I know, you probably should be.  
“There’s nothing to worry about.” I would tell her in time, just not right now.  
“If that’s true then surely you can enjoy the last night of our holiday and be here when I wake up tomorrow?” She wanted to believe me, or did she just want me not to be lying to her?  
“Easy, I’ll be here.” Whatever one night can’t be that difficult. 

I was very wrong. That was one of the most difficult nights of my life. Normally having Ava there comforted me. It wasn’t unusual for her to be aware I was having a nightmare and putting a hand over my heart. The hand ended up in the same place. The problem wasn’t her, but me. As soon as my eyes opened the memory I’d been experiencing was gone, all I had was a rising panic. I needed to get out, run, punch someone and here I was, trapped by someone who loved me. I wanted to talk to her, tell her everything but how could I? My life would scare her. There was no telling how much of my life had changed on this new Earth. All I remembered was watching Ollie die and then waking up at my father’s place. I had no memories of a fake life here. The curse of a paragon. When J’onn had made his rounds after we returned, he never met Ava. If she had still read my file all that time ago, what would it say? Could I tell her I almost drowned and no one looked for me because they thought I had, twice? How much did she ever know in the first place? I doubted my file would tell her of the horrors of my first real death, or how it felt to be without a soul, or even what losing everyone was like. How could I force her to carry my burdens? I just couldn’t.

Despite my promise to her, I couldn’t stay in that bed. The hotel had a gym I could visit. Rather than sitting cooped up I ran on the treadmill and punched the lone punching bag hundreds of times. This time when the phone rang I was already halfway to the room. Returning with coffee from the complimentary breakfast did not go down as well as I’d hoped. Her back was turned to me when I lay down.  
“Breakfast downstairs smells delicious, want to make the most of it today?” She knew what I was trying to do. Even still, I tried to push my luck and sneak an arm over her midsection with a small kiss on the back of her shoulder too.  
“Where were you?” Toneless, the scariest thing I’d faced yet.  
“I woke up early out of habit, wanting to go for a run again. Seeing as I had a few hours I used the gym here and tried to get back before you woke up, I almost made it.” Correction, her not saying anything was scarier. 

Minutes passed with this manufactured silence.  
“I woke up when the door closed.”  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you babe.” The only real truth I’d probably told her thus far.  
“Why can’t you just tell me you’re having nightmares again?” Her attitude had changed drastically, now she faced me too. “So many nights I’ve woken up to you panicking and running away from me. When you leave there’s no note or text so I know you’re not dead.” In trying to protect her I’d hurt her myself. “I try to give you space and there’s nothing.” With myself so distracted I hadn’t noticed the hand slide under my cheek until I was forced to look into her eyes. “Sara, I love you and there’s nothing you could tell me to scare me away. Why can’t we just have some semblance of normal communication and just normal?” How could she look at me and ask for ordinary?  
“I’m not normal.” How small my voice was seemed to shock her, and me.  
“My love, I would never ask you to be. I just want to be here for you, for you to trust me.” At moments like this it was oh so tempting to just lay all my cards on the table.  
“What if you don’t know who I am?” Here was my moment of truth, the most vulnerable I could ever remember being.  
“All the different parts of you make you who you are and I love you so much, there is nothing that could push me away.” She had no idea. She wasn’t getting it.  
“Ava, I’ve killed people.” Why couldn’t she just understand?  
“I’m not running from who you are.” Her hand may have retracted but only because I moved away.  
“Maybe you should.” She should be terrified of me, horrified even.  
“You can’t mean that.” Why not?  
“I do.” The woman before me had long since left the bed, opting to focus on whatever she was going to her bag for.  
“So what? You wanted to give up on us when things got tough because you don’t want to talk about it, or yourself, or us?” I was so glad she wasn’t looking at me, my face may not be able to hide how much I was breaking apart as she talked.  
“Of course not.” I couldn’t do this right now.  
“Then what? Give up over time?” There was so much in the corner of the room, the furthest I could get away from her in this little room.  
“Ava!” What she was saying hurt.  
“What do you mean Sara because I’m obviously not getting it?” She’d been so quick to defend herself I hadn’t really had much of a chance to speak, I knew I had made the worst decisions possible here.  
“I don’t want to push you away.” I wanted to be able to trust her with all parts of me, but my mind wouldn’t allow that.  
“It sure sounds like you do. What were you going to get bored of me and just change everything one day? Go back in time and change everything?” I chose not to save my sister, something I clearly wanted to because I knew it would have repercussions. No matter what had happened or may happen between Ava and I, I would always love her and always want to remember my time with her. “Maybe we shouldn’t have even tried this Sara, we can time travel, why not go back and stop us from even happening?” I knew she didn’t mean that, mostly. “I’m going to have a shower and give you some time to think before we get back on the ship tomorrow.” About 20 minutes and I knew exactly what I had to do. 

What little contents I had in a bag were barely unpacked to start with. My training had prepared me to pack light and be ready to leave immediately without any evidence left behind. I was only leaving her in the literal sense. We both needed a couple hours to cool off and think. If I wanted to let her in on every part of my life and my mind I needed to think of how to explain it and ready myself to answer questions. At this point, I wasn’t even sure she should be as patient with me as she had been. If she chose to let go now, I would understand. So I did what I was best at and left. Keycard and a simplistic note on the dresser, no one else would’ve ever known I was there. The only hint was my coffee cup in the trash. Her’s was still perched on the dresser, waiting. I knew the note wasn’t enough on my own but didn’t have time to write what I really wanted to. Once outside the hotel, I could write a proper text to her, detailing some of the stuff I didn’t have the guts to say. Even assassins were afraid of something. 

There was only one safe place for me in this city, away from prying eyes, the so-called Arrowcave. It seemed Felicity's nickname had stuck. I had a spare key from her too, I was the only one who would ever use the workout equipment there, the salmon ladder. There had been a few times when I'd worked out emotions at that place. The best way to avoid my life right now was to train and protect. This city no longer had its main hero. For just a night I could patrol its streets. The black canary mantle no longer sat on my back but I was the white canary and was just as capable as I was before. 

Running across rooftops brought a feeling of release nothing else could. Essentially falling through the air only to roll out of it, avoiding death was exhilarating, I couldn't do that on the wave rider. When I was fighting or running my mind was preoccupied with that. There was no time to worry about the other stuff in my life. This release was truly put through its paces. With the Arrow gone it was just me on the streets, he’d done his best to clean them up but there was a limit to what he could do. In such a bustling city there was bound to be madness. That evening’s limits were truly tested, I’d have been pretty hopeless if I hadn’t stolen one of my father’s radios. There was a robbery attempt nearby that was pretty easy to stop. Three guys were taken down. Not a few minutes after I’d finished there was another alert about a shooting about a mile away that I could probably reach before the cops, so I went for it. On an ordinary day, I may have thought twice before diving into gunfire. Most of the shooters went down pretty easy. I’d done my best to keep as many as them more alive than they would’ve been without my intervention and didn’t think I’d killed anyone so far, I’d even managed to stay undiscovered. The police still hadn’t arrived yet. 

Looking around for the best next move I could’ve sworn I heard someone call out my name. The idea of being spotted sent me down behind a dumpster. Around me, there was no one. The voice had been Ava’s definitely but where was she? If she was here, if she was hurt because of me I’d never be able to forgive myself. Where I was so focused on finding the voice I’d only just registered the small bit of metal drop down next to me. Looking to a mark on the wall, if I hadn’t have moved that bullet would’ve easily killed me. Even when she wasn’t here Ava saved my life. Surely I could have the decency to share it with her. Despite the situation, I almost pulled out my phone right then and there to call and apologise, almost. Another bullet bounced by my foot, having taken a slightly different path. My arm stung. A hiss of pain tore through gritted teeth and I noticed then that the bullet was covered in something the other hadn’t been, blood. Thanks to my training I could carry on, regretting the pain I knew I would feel later. I couldn’t stay here. Part of my begged to just kill the others but I couldn’t give in to that, nor did I have the time. The cops were almost here and I definitely didn’t want to get caught in that crossfire. 

Fleeing from the scene across more rooftops only poked fun at my injury. Clipping my arm would’ve sent me off balance if it weren’t for my extensive training. Seeing this as a hazard I moved down to street level once I was far enough away. I was cursing myself as I walked towards the ship when an angry voice sounded behind me,  
“You’re one of them wannabe heroes.” It was as I was turning around that the bat he’d been swinging hit me swear in the lower chest. The force didn’t send me back too far. The guy would be lucky to live to regret this. It was just one lone idiot, he hadn’t even thought to bring back-up, what was he thinking? I didn’t care as instinct and rage took over. 

Ignoring every part of my body that burned I took out every little thing bothering me on that man, a bag was only so useful. His bat had stayed in his hand for very little time before clattering to the floor. He soon followed. The person below me begged for forgiveness, apologies falling from his lips. If I’d wanted to kill him he wouldn’t have had a chance. I left him sprawled on the floor as I continued on my way, when I got back to the ship I could check for any injuries from the night. 

The first thing off was the mask. Gideon was all I heard once I got back, it was weird being surrounded by silence in that place.  
“Captain, I suggest you get to the medbay so I can address your wounds.” Always helpful but sometimes unneeded.  
“I’m fine Gideon, thank you.” I returned to Ava and I’s room and just froze, all her things mixed in with mine told of a happier relationship than we really had. Something held me back from having that with her. I hadn’t even called her. Pulling out my phone showed something I hadn’t quite thought of, it was dead. While it charged I changed into some other clothes, just a simple top and jeans. The outfit had become uncomfortable after so many hours. Who even knew what the time was? All I knew was that my arm and chest was stinging, a lot. To help with the pain I visited the medbay, mainly for a needle and thread, I didn’t want to be out of action before we even left. While I waited for my phone to turn on I started off with the first few stitches.  
“Mother fucker!” That seemed an appropriate reaction.  
“If I may captain, I could always heal you in the medbay.” She was really quite insistent about this.  
“It’s not, I’m alright thank you, Gideon.” A mis-stitch was not the reason for my outburst. It was already close to 9am and I hadn’t had a lick of sleep. Of course I’d worn myself out on the last day of my holiday. I hadn’t even called Ava. I’d run off almost a full day ago, she might’ve been worried. The phone proved as much without about 100 missed calls and texts. We needed to have a talk before we set off with the rest of the crew. I texted her to meet me at the ship and didn’t expect to have long. My arm only took a couple more stitches but I still needed to hide it so I just grabbed a longer shirt. Taking off the one I’d been wearing proved there was something actually wrong with my chest. Probably a broken rib or two. There was nothing I could do to help it so just left it, I just had to keep the bruising hidden before someone pushed me into one of the chairs in the medbay and drugged me up. That didn’t sound too bad of an alternative to talking to Ava right now. 

She didn’t hate me. I’d been waiting in our room for her to storm in and dump me but that didn’t happen at all. She’d actually wrapped me into a hug first, I’d practically melted into her.  
“Thank God you’re alright.” The hug laboured my breathing more than the ribs had but I could take a little pain for her.  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Her grip tightened only slightly and she didn’t move away, that I was happy with.  
“It’s just, you left and then there were sightings of a vigilante in a white suit at a gunfight and I got worried because you weren’t answering my calls.” The hug had lasted longer than I thought it would, my breathing was getting heavier.  
“I’m sorry, my phone died but hey, there’s no need to worry about me. I’m an assassin remember.” As she finally pulled away, her hands lingered, choosing to slide down my arms, presumably to my hands.  
“How could I forget?” Her thumb slid down my arm in just the wrong way, touching where the bullet grazed me. I flinched, I couldn’t help it. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Oh no.  
“Nothing, nothing, it’s just a little bruising is all.” Surely that would do.  
“Here, let me see.” She really cared about me.  
“It’s fine, I promise.” She diverted away from me as her eyes caught sight of something else.  
“Is that blood? Sara, are you bleeding? Are you injured?” My suit was still on the chair.  
“What? Pfft, no.” This was falling apart sooner than I'd thought it would.  
“If I may Miss Sharpe, I believe the captain to have a couple broken ribs along with the injury to her upper arm.” No.  
“You snitch Gideon.” How could she just give me up like that? Could she ignore my wishes like that?  
“No, you should’ve told me. In fact you shouldn’t be able to, you should be sedated in the medbay right now.” I hated the medbay with a passion, waking up there after being in a coma hadn't helped the nightmares.  
“I’m fine, really. I’ve had worse.” It was undeniable.  
“I know, I’ve seen your scars.” She took a moment to think, “If it’s not that bad take off your shirt and let me see.” The action took a lot more effort than I was really proud of, maybe it wasn’t great. 

It was at that moment that I really realised how my pain could hurt the people I loved. Ava’s eyes were glass as she stared at the different colours draped over my chest.  
“I shouldn’t have let you leave.” No, what? How was she blaming herself for this? Her hands cupped her face as she couldn't even bear touching me. I really was damaged goods.  
"This isn't your fault." The thought of her beating herself up over my idiocy was not well-received.  
"Just please, let Gideon help you. I don't like it when you're hurting." She would've hated the 6 years I was presumed dead.  
"Okay," If it helped her I'd do it, "No sedatives though." That was a deal we could agree on. 

She'd dug through her stuff until she'd found the softest jumper I'd ever felt, that was what she forced me to wear. No more tight shirts until I was healed apparently. I couldn't complain too much though, it smelled like her. 

Ava guided me unnecessarily through the ship. Once we'd finally arrived she fussed over me obsessively, even insisting she put the bracelet on so I didn't strain myself. I didn't have the heart to tell her about the other fights. Her hand held mine as she promised she wouldn't leave my side, not that I needed her to be there.  
"Gideon?" That was when the AI took over.  
"Administering sedative." Wait.  
"I will rip out your wires." That was the last thing I managed to mutter through gritted teeth before the sedative took over. I hadn't meant to grip Ava's hand so tight as I'd slipped away. 

Before me was a situation I'd played over a million times, what could I have done differently? The ship tore in two and again I fell through to the ocean. I did my best not to gulp water with very little success. It had never felt this real before, like I really couldn’t breathe. Oliver was alive somewhere here, I knew that now. I had to help him. Nothing changed. For every time I’d been forced to live that time I could never do anything to change it, even in a dream. If I’d have stopped him from getting on that boat he’d be alive. There were what-ifs that constantly floated through my head, especially on a time-travelling ship. If I could honestly say I hadn’t considered changing my life, I’d be lying. I wanted to do something with my life, help people rather than kill. What would my younger self think? Regrets continued to swim as I couldn’t. This time I just sunk. Many times I’d been forced back into this situation and not given up, why not give it a try? 

My lungs begged and I still continued to sink. I kept holding on and holding on until eventually, my eyes opened to reveal something fairly safe. The first thing I did was take that damn bracelet off. No more sedatives. Gideon warned me against moving, something about only just clearing the fluid from my lungs. That definitely explained the nightmare. There was something undesirable to this reality too though, Ava had left. It didn’t take long at all for me to just leave too, my crew was bound to have started arriving by now. 

Unsurprisingly, I was right. Surrounding the main console was my entire team, I’d found them after stopping by my room to change into one of my own shirts.  
“Hey Captain!” Nate was, of course, the most cheerful. I’d kind of missed him, even after such a short break. “Sorry Mrs Captain but she’s the best.” Was he drunk? Had he already gotten a hold of some of Amaya’s old tea? I hadn’t seen that coming so soon. 

The unnecessary reunion was short-lived. By the time everyone was back on the ship we already had a couple of missions to look into, time never stops after all. The first mission was barely that. For some reason, our demon from down below had decided to resurrect Alexander The Great who had continued to conquer much of the Asian continent and was turning to Europe as well. Somehow we convinced him we were Greek Gods. It really didn’t take that much to lure him on the ship, kind of shocking. It had been drunk Nate’s idea.

That evening the tension was already back. Hearing everyone bickering was already on my last nerve, I actually considered a desk job. Clearing I couldn’t control my crew. These thoughts plagued me long after everyone else had gone to sleep. I was nursing a glass of whiskey in the parlour when someone found me.  
“Are you coming to bed? I could use the company.” Why wasn’t she asleep?  
“In a bit.” I didn’t want to move.  
“That’s what you said earlier, please come get some sleep.” She took my glass and I just couldn’t find it in myself to protest. The whole thing was a haze really. All I knew was that I’d ended up in bed with an arm draped over me. As tired as I was I just couldn’t sleep. I laid there for what felt like days just trying to ignore the thoughts in my head. It wasn’t until a sound asleep Ava had rolled away from me that I snuck away. I needed to clear my head. 

Ava wasn’t too happy to find me already at the breakfast table that morning but wouldn’t say anything while Zari was there. This sort of dynamic went on for a little while before Ava confronted me. A few missions had gone by and someone the turmoil between us all caused us to mess up a little more than usual. We’d managed to apprehend our targets. What was bothering my girlfriend hadn’t included the mission though.  
“Why are you avoiding me?” The hurt in her voice was evident.  
“I’m not.” I was never all that good at lying to her.  
“You say that but I still wake up to an empty bed, mostly fall asleep to one too. How many times am I going to catch you napping in the parlour or jump ship?” Her points were pretty valid. Not all of my self-destructive tendencies were because of her, though some of these were. Where her raised arms had gone to touch me I couldn’t help but flinch, my mind had shown me different versions of those around me when I’d been helpless enough to sleep.  
“You don’t want to know me.” No matter how much my training had taught me to work through the tiredness it was catching up on me, why else would I say something so honest?  
“How can you say that when I gave up my life to be here with you?” Anxieties.  
“I don’t know Ava, maybe you didn’t know where to go when the time bureau was shut down.” If she’d have just gone to bed my unfiltered mind wouldn’t have hurt her.  
“Whatever you think you believe is wrong, I’m here because I love you and I want to be with you.” How much did she really know of me beyond a file? Why couldn’t she remember what she’d said to me before either? Hoping this would work was beyond naive and a stupid dream I’d never reach.  
“So you don’t remember tossing out the idea of changing our past? Don’t remember telling me we shouldn’t have even tried to be together and should go back and change it?” I wasn’t mad, simply hurt that my worries appeared to be true.  
“Is this what this is all about because I didn’t mean that?” Really? That was her defence?  
“Funny, it sure sounded like you meant it." I needed to get this conversation off my chest.  
"Can we not talk about this after we've had some sleep?" No. All the fucks I had to give about sleep were long gone, I needed answers.  
"We talk about this now or never." The ball was in her court here. 

What I feared was her silence. Her hand had grabbed mine and led me to our room, for a brief second I was worried she was really giving up on us. Her silence wasn't broken until we were both sat on the bed.  
"I'm sorry about what I said, and hurting you. I know it doesn't excuse anything but seeing you pull away scares me and I instantly go on the defensive. If I lost you I wouldn't have anything left." She'd have the team, always. They loved her too. As for me, I wasn't in the right headspace and making her feel insecure only made me feel worse. If only I knew a healthy way to deal with my emotions. The time of my friends actually asking about me ending when the film crew left.  
"I want to be able to talk to you,"  
"You can, I promise." Of course Ava cared enough to interrupt my negative thoughts, I couldn't help but chuckle.  
"Let me finish. I want to be able to talk to you but something is holding me back and I don't know what it is. Something in me is scared of showing you all of me, it's not too late for you to run." Without saying a word her eyes conveyed her will to stay more concretely than anyone ever had.  
"I want to know all of you if you'll let me." This woman seriously had a way with words. Maybe I could peel back a little of my hard exterior every now and then, for her. 

That night I didn't run. A few times I woke up but I wasn't alone in the darkness, my dear Ava woke and calmed enough to sleep once again. Choosing to really try with her, I'd even told her of one of my nightmares when she asked. Rather than judge as some would, she listened and calmed me. Not everything had been so simple though. The injuries I'd sustained from my fights on holiday hadn't completely healed. My arm was fine. The thing causing me problems was the bruising on my ribs. Ava hadn't known of that until I woke up panicked. In an act of closeness she'd draped an arm over me in her sleep, ordinarily this would've been sweet. Had my mind not shown me a death where I had not escaped purgatory, it may have been calming. Instead when I woke and couldn't breathe my instincts flared. Somehow I still couldn't move. 

For whatever reason my attempts at breathing still weren't working and this had disturbed my girlfriend. The second her arm moved I felt the beginning of calm but now she sat next to me, worriedly fussing. I had half a mind to leave the room.  
"Babe? What's wrong?" The sleepy voice didn't last for long, trust her big heart to worry for me.  
"Ribs." That one whispered word was enough for her to leap into action, almost literally. Had I been given an opportunity I would've protested against her lifting me into her arms. Instead, I was carried over to the medbay. "I'm fine, really." The look she gave me told of my bad lying ability right now. She refused to even listen to me until after we'd reached her chosen destination, she listened to Gideon first. 

So it turned out she hadn't known I wasn't fully healed last time. I felt like a child. When else would someone have looked at me with such a soft anger? Before she could even ask the question I had her answers,  
"Nightmares." It was too early for full sentences but she understood. 

While I sat in the chair waiting for whatever Gideon planned to do, I heard her walk away and felt a little more pain in my chest. Eyes closed, I waited forever to see if she'd come back. When I finally opened them I saw just one more reason to love the woman before me. She stood with pillows and blankets for her chair and mine. Even once both of us were semi-settled I appreciated the fussing and her insistence on holding my hand. 

As much as I did appreciate all of it, it could never last too long. When I finally fell asleep I woke up again, which was probably not much later. Gideon wasn’t quite done repairing me but it’d do. There was still a little bruising dotting my chest and a tightness that came with it but we were being called for another mission, my priority was as a captain. The next mission was a pretty interesting one. According to a new time quake, Jack The Ripper continued with his murder spree past when he originally had, causing chaos in England’s capital. Telling Ava was how I distracted her from her focus on me. What was important was fixing history. I’d faced worse. She’d walked in on me giving a briefing to everyone else anyway, I was going to give her a little more time to sleep before going to wake her myself. This simply meant I could tell her her position now rather than later.  
“Zari, you’re playing QB again. I want to keep you on the ship until I’ve seen any evidence of fight training, we don’t need you getting hurt out there.” Ironic, I know. “B, Nate, Mick and Charlie you are going to be trying to fit in. Ask around and see if anyone knows anything. Without Ray here to referee, I need to be able to trust that you can work together, got it?” The agreements and nods surrounded me, one of them would let Mick know in a bit. I was about to wrap up when my girlfriend came into view. “Ava! We got an alert about The Whitechapel Murderer, I’ll catch you up while everyone else gets ready. So Nate, you got an info dump ready?” I may have spooked him from a daydream, judging from the dazed look on his face and the way he shook himself out for a moment.  
“Always, I’m amazed you have to ask, captain. A little past the last cholera outbreak, there was a smallpox outbreak though and this was only a few years after the ‘Great Stink’. The city smelt terrible because all their cesspool sewage was transferred to the Thames and that increased the concentration of the smell.” Gagging was a universal reaction to that statement, guess they’d have to suck it up. How bad could it really be anyway?  
“Grab your strong stomachs people, we’ve got some patrolling to do.” That would have to do. 

It was pretty clear a conversation I didn’t really want to have was coming along soon.  
“So are you done in the medbay?” Surprisingly her tone hinted at me being able to argue my case this time.  
“Mostly, just a little bruising left.” What had been angry purple marks across my ribcage now sat at a dull yellow, at least I could breathe now.  
“You’re not going back, are you?” She knew me so well.  
“We’ve got a mission.” That much was certainly true and hinted none at me giving her a reason for my answers.  
“Okay, what am I doing?” I'd never been more thankful for this woman. 

Once in appropriate fashion the boys, Charlie and I made our way off the ship, into the town riddled with the foul stench of sewage. Ava was researching while helping Zari with QB. I knew she wanted to be out here but there was no one I trusted more with the job, plus there was the fact that her side-eye would not be helpful here. As a part of the mission, we needed to get close to the potential killer or friends of victims. We needed bait, me. The rumours surrounding the killer were vast and no definitive killer was ever named. We didn't have the luxury of time with a killer on the loose. The boys and Charlie were to check the suspects one by one while I was to take a more forthright approach. Women being attacked didn't sit easy with me. 

While walking the streets late at night I thought I found myself in the perfect place. Someone was hassling a group of women walking home so I made sure they all got back safe before heading back out. As I paced the streets I could hear someone following me, now we were getting somewhere. There was something distracting me though. When they were together Nate, Behrad and Charlie were having some rather emotionally charged conversations over comms. Back to the same old shit. Part of me considered reprimanding them over comms the same way they were each other but that would only make me just as bad. 

A voice called out amongst the drizzle and gloom of the city.  
"Young lady, don't you know it's not safe to be out late and alone." This was not a conversation I wanted to have right now, must be in the right place. The man's voice cut through the murky silence once again, closer now. "I must insist I accompany you to the church if you have nowhere else to go." Guess the outfit worked. A thick layer of false worry almost hid foul intentions and his general distasteful for me. My feet carried me toward him, regretting every step and feeling more unsafe than confident in my abilities, that didn't happen often. A quick message from Ava came to mind. Hours ago she'd warned me of a bad feeling while I was in no danger, guess her body clock may have been a little different than mine. 

Something hit the pavement behind me. As I spun on my heel I found myself facing a well-aimed boot currently moving towards my chest. There was nothing I could do now. My team was supposed to be following me, where were they now? In my ear, their fighting continued as my chest heaved again. The pain was back, I'd only just fixed those ribs damnit. It wasn't just my chest. When I fell, my momentum had caused my head to bounce against the cobblestone. I wouldn't be conscious for long now probably. Despite my high pain tolerance I still found the pain shooting through my in waves. I had to get help now. Lifting a finger to my ear I just about managed to get a message through before the pain completely won, so why didn't they stop arguing?


	2. Short But Sour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best offence is a good defence but how good can you really be with a concussion? This is the White Canary, badass extraordinaire but even she is only human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will be split up by narrative point of view so make sure to check who's talking. Thank you to anyone who's taken a chance on this story, I have already got some of it written so updates will become less frequent as I go on.  
> Be gay. Do crime.

Narrator's POV 

The captain's girlfriend and the newbie on the team found themselves incredibly bored very quickly. Researching every possible suspect was exhausting and now the others were useless. As much as Ava had wanted to step up and discipline them all, she thought better of it. If she were the captain things would be different but she wasn't, Sara was the talented captain of this ship. Sara. 

While flipping through another book aimlessly and listening to the immature arguing filtering over the line Zari just stopped.   
"Was that Sara?" Her voice was more confused than anything else. Seeing this as nothing more than a distraction Ava waved it off, her girlfriend would've been loud. Speaking of though, it had been a while since they'd heard from her. Not much to report then.   
"Nice try." That didn't satisfy her, "one of them probably just tried to butt in, everything's fine." This still wasn't enough, she'd definitely heard something. For now, she'd keep researching though, if something were wrong Ava would probably know somehow. That wasn't a bad mindset to have, there was something weird bubbling in Ava's stomach. "Gideon, Sara's alright, right?" It was probably just anxiety after what Zari had said but there was no harm in checking.   
"Funny you should ask Miss Sharpe, Captain Lance's vitals indicate she is unconscious." Both women jumped to their feet.   
"Why didn't you say something?" This was serious, how could the AI have not said anything?  
"I apologise, I had assumed you ignoring her distress call was an educated decision." Zari wasn't crazy.   
"Where is she, Gideon?" Waiting for answers was excruciating.   
"Her last known location has been sent to your time courier." The restraint of just standing there was clearly killing her, Sara was in danger for Christ's sake.   
"Thank you. Zari, man the ship and make sure we can make it to the med bay should we need to. If the ripper has her we may already be too late." Racing out the room and down the halls, Zari was fortunate enough to hear the newly departed ordering the others around over comms. The final ceasing of the needless arguing was a relief but not worth Sara's life. 

Ordinarily, a knock to the head would have someone knocked out for longer than a few minutes, this was Sara though. The feeling of a sharp object at her throat had her alert. When her eyelids burst open she saw something that genuinely scared her. After seeing everything and (almost) everyone dead she'd thought that couldn't happen anymore and here before her, was something terrifying. The face of a desperate man hovered before hers.   
"I thought we were done with this." He didn't want to kill her, maybe she could get out of this easier than she thought.   
"Our Lord has clearly brought you back for a reason, you must carry on the work he has instructed us to do." Being murdered for God's plan wasn't exactly the motive Sara had had in mind. 

With the burning pain came trickles of something warm over her neck, blood. The cut wasn't deep enough to kill on its own, yet. Murders could never be merciful, those psychopaths always wanted to prolong the pain. This particular psycho was different, reluctant almost. Through all the pain Sara had never screamed, gritted her teeth at the pain she had but screaming was not her thing. The killer seemed to pity her. He hesitated.   
"C'mon boy, this prostitute must die soon. We must go." That was when the knife disappeared from view and the ever fearless assassin closed her eyes to try and block out all of it. There's been no indication over comms that help was coming. The technology may have been damaged but even that was a dull hope, no one was coming. 

The knife had drawn a gasp through her still gritted teeth. Plunged into her stomach, the knife brought back memories of what the killer had done to previous victims. Maybe school was useful for something. Just possessing the knowledge of what this killer planned to do set off a new will to live. Her struggling had been short-lived before but with the murderer focused she may just have a chance. The sword was with Ray but Sara was a weapon. Seeing the ripper slightly distracted and off-balance, the white canary took that as her chance. Sliding an arm out from under herself, a well-armed blow landed on her potential killer's temple. Now falling off of her, she was able to withdraw the knife, with a grunt of pain of course. Bringing the dull end up to his head had resulted in him now unconscious. Now for the priest. 

The coward had run, clearly not in the business of facing consequences for his actions. Heavy footsteps led to his trail. A seething, bloodied assassin seemed good enough reason to flee. Her first thought had been to chase him down. If it weren't for the warm dribbles down her body and movement tearing her wounds further she would have. Behind her, the physic killer clambered to his feet. Clearly his victims didn't typically fight back.   
"Usually I feel a little remorse, now you're asking for it." Just a little bit more testosterone and Jacky would have an even emptier head.   
"As if I haven't heard that one before, don't you have any respect for women? Y'know, I could really make your mother feel respected if you know what I mean." Angry murderer, check. 

Her voice had been hoarse, thanks to the attempted murder no doubt. If she couldn't finish this up soon she really would be dead this time. Why wasn't anyone here to help? Just that thought had her distracted for long enough, a hard shove had forced her back into the wall, reminding her of the rib injury. If there had been time to interrupt the radio silence and call for help again she would've. The man used purely strength, pinning her to the wall with a hand wrapped around her throat. Somehow the extra pressure forced more blood out. What also didn't help was the knife he brandished in front of her face. Struggling was no use. The oxygen to her brain was limited and her blood was still gushing. She couldn't think and she couldn't fight. All that was on her mind was one thing,  
"Ava," the whisper may not have been picked up by anything but she just wanted to say she loved her one last time. The strangled gasps, unfortunately, wouldn't allow for that. How could a captain give up on a crew this easily?

With the last reserves of her strength, Sara brought a knee up to the most sensitive part of a man (excusing his ego). Watching the man partially crumple, the woman got no chance to escape just yet. The knife had been buried into her stomach again, up to the handle. More blood spilt as she stumbled back into the wall. No. The hope of seeing her sister again blessed her for a few seconds before she realised she was letting herself give up. Sara Lance couldn't be killed. That was something she'd been proud of until now. Everything hurt so bad, why not change what she was known for? Letting her be remembered for giving up was not an option. To only be known as one of Jack The Ripper's victims was not the legacy she was determined to leave. 

Pulling her own knife from an ankle sheath she couldn't reach before and using gravity as her strength, the blade plunged into his heart. Still, she didn't have long until he was fine again. Wherever she went down originally, the killers must have discarded her bag. If she could just find it, the killer could be detained. She should've taken the time courier. She should've done this. She should've done that. She should've said goodbye when she left that morning. Right now, she needed to do something. Seeing no other way to delay the butcher, the canary had had no other option than to remove the knife from her own stomach and stick it in his throat. Nothing had hit a main artery so she may have had a little extra time to slow him down. The knife stuff had taken her leaning on a wall to support herself but that wasn't enough anymore. Trying comms again hadn't worked either, it must've been broken in the fall or the fight. She'd really failed this time, really lost. No goodbyes could be said but then again she'd said enough of those over the years. It was up to Ava and the legends now, they were under better leadership now. That's what Sara had thought to herself as she slowly released more of her weight onto the wall. Once she depended on only it she truly had given up. Sara Lance couldn't save herself this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually mention any of this but I've been feeling a little negative about my writing lately and just wanted to say if anyone has anything to say I'd love to hear it. If it's something about the story or something you want to see I'd love to listen. A lot of people don't realise but comments can really make someone's day.   
> Be safe guys.


	3. A Bitter Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the aftermath of the previous chapter, will they get to her in time?

Ava's POV

The information was limited and terrifying. I knew exactly what this killer would try to do with her, that's why I sprinted through the cobblestone streets with the sword. The others followed close behind, Sara hadn't lost like this before. No matter how much I tried to contact her, there was nothing. What we knew was around a couple of blocks from where she could've been, if she wasn't there I just wouldn't know what to do with myself. If I let her die, there was really nothing left for me. 

Blood scattered the floor as we rounded a corner. Looking at the wall behind it, there were a few dark streaks, probably blood too. A small part of me begged for it not to be Sara's. If it weren't for the bag of hers on the floor, I may have been able to feign hope. 

There seemed to be something happening a few streets over, according to the odd frustrated grunt and possible scream. Following the noise at the full pelt, I didn't even know if the team was behind me. If that was my love I didn't care. 

Why did I have to be right?

The noises had stopped before I got there. When an occupied street finally came into view, my stomach just dropped.   
"Sara?" A blonde, bloodied mess sat drooped over against a wall, hunched over herself. Her white dress had only made it all worse. There was a man in the alley too, two knives protruding from his figure. I felt the bile in my throat. If I'd have been with her she'd be alive right now, all because I let her leave alone this morning. I'd heard her flirting with some people earlier in the day as part of the act. I never should've stopped listening out for her voice. Still, before me was her murderer, it only seemed fair to return the favour. 

His eyes had started to open as angry gurgles protruded from his throat. He couldn't move the knives and himself before I brought the sword down through him. With a simple poof, I was finally able to focus on what scared me. Turning to where her body lay, I found the others had caught up to me. Behrad's desperate words couldn't convince her to open her eyes, what hope did I have? I couldn't even go to her. What if she was already gone or uncharacteristically cold? When Nate went to pick her up I felt a wave of something go over me and ignored it.  
"We need to get her back to the ship." Words may have failed me but I nodded to him, letting them all lead the way. 

Nate had run all the way to the medbay without stopping, he was as desperate as the rest of us. When he'd placed her down I couldn't move from the doorway. Seeing her like this, so broken and fragile I contemplated just letting Gideon work her magic. I needed to know though.   
"Gideon, can you help her?" I tried to keep my voice strong, I really did.   
"Captain Lance's wounds are fatal but I can try. She is suffering from a few broken ribs, a concussion, bruising and a fairly deep cut on her neck and two stab wounds. Luckily one of them missed any major organs." She never should've had to endure these, if only we were a better team backing her up.   
"And the other?" This had to be bad news.   
"Unfortunately, one of the Captain's kidneys was punctured in the fight." She may have two but that didn't make it any less serious. Her injuries could've been far worse and surviving this long was lucky, I just wanted her to be lucky enough to live. 

No one was allowed to go on any missions while we waited for her to wake up. It was an excruciating task but if anyone else got hurt right now I didn't think the team could handle it. How did Sara do it? Everyone was stir-crazy, some of them still arguing over whatever it was this week. No one could find an adequate distraction. Everyone checked on her at least once a day, I, myself slept in there. The bed was so empty and cold without her. Any little change on the monitors and I could be there for her too. We still didn't know if she'd make it. At first, I'd had hope she'd wake up and complain about how she was fine but her voice hadn't been heard in a few days now. Gideon had put her in a coma to help heal her injuries. I was just hoping she wasn't having a really long nightmare, she'd never forgive Gideon for that. 

Waiting for over two weeks with these children had just about broken me. Sara's wounds had become mostly bruises and scars but still, she wasn't waking up and all of us were on edge. Mick had almost drunk the ship dry somehow. Whatever weird love triangle was ongoing had all of the others occupied and I just couldn't do any of it without her. A few days, maybe weeks with missions were fine but this was hell. My purgatory wasn't this bad. I'd tried sleeping in our bed once or twice but it just wasn't right. Her pillow was starting to lose its scent and every time I woke up she just wasn't there, no one was there to comfort me when I closed my eyes to see her almost dead again. The AI didn't know when, if she'd even wake up. Every single time I walked in there she looked worse. 

The dress had been traded for something more comfortable during the first few days but she didn't look any better. When I'd taken off one of the layers she'd been wearing I'd had the displeasure of seeing the extent of her injuries. An angry red line marked her throat, surrounded by blues and purples. Worse still was her stomach. What I had seen of her chest lent many different colours to her stomach, they danced around the red marks where her skin had been torn in two. Darker red lined the edges as blood dotted whatever it could reach. How had she survived this long? My answer had come when I thought of her usual scars, one morning I'd traced each one. She wasn't always open about her past but she'd told me some of the more lighthearted stories that day. That was one of the times Sara Lance had truly trusted me. What would she think of that trust now? I hadn't helped her. 

A few more days and I finally snapped. The triangle had turned into more of a fighting ring and some of them didn't even seem to care anymore. We were all stressed. One comment too many and I just snapped along with them.  
"I don't care what you're fighting out but it needs to stop, now." Enough was enough.   
"What does it matter to you, Ava? You've got a relationship anyway." I didn't care who said, the fact they'd said it without thinking was what hurt.   
"Yes and in case you forgot, the woman I love is fighting for her life on this very ship because you lot let your hormones get the best of you." No holding back now.   
"How is this our fault?" How could they not know?  
"Oh my god! You were arguing over comms when she tried to call for help and we didn't hear her. If it weren't for Zari and Gideon, well, she never would've had a chance." A heavy silence sat over all of us, I guess they really hadn't known that part. "So if you guys want to keep acting this way you do not belong on this ship. We are supposed to depend on each other and letting our captain die because we're being idiots isn't a part of that." I wasn't just talking about them. 

I'd replayed that day over and over again in my head. She wasn't in the medbay with me when I woke up so I'd followed the sound of chattering to where a team meeting was being held. She didn't look quite right. My captain was always beautiful but there was a tiredness that reached past her eyes. How could no one else see this? I wanted to pull her aside, let everyone else get on with the mission and just help her relax but she couldn't even do that on our holiday, not that she'd let me anyway. She would always put her mission first. Something in her past had taught her that was the only way to live. So I kept an eye on her and waited, until I didn't. 

Part of her role, that she hadn't informed me of was a little obnoxious flirting. Realistically, Sara wasn't as obvious as some of the others around her but that didn't help the jealousy bubbling so I tuned her out and focused on research. With all the arguing from the others I couldn't even pick her voice anymore, a slight relief and a curse. The second I'd heard mumbles from her about some arsehole bothering some women I should've been out the door to help. I thought she'd be slightly angry if I abandoned my post. Rather angry than dead I should've gone with that. It hadn't ended up being an issue though so I'd left it and focused on books again. I'd been 3 books deep into possible suspects when Zari had drawn my attention. There was no way to tell whether that was even too late. 

I played over the day in my head so many times. My head told me I'd swoop in, catch her before she ever got hurt and we'd defeat the guy together. In reality, I'd probably have died too. If Sara couldn't fight him I wasn't sure how much hope there was for me. She'd done some fight training with me a couple times and kicked my ass no matter what I did. Thinking back to our fight years ago I realised something, she hadn't wanted to kill me then. Sara Lance was a highly trained assassin and in a regular fight could barely be touched. Judging by what Gideon had told me, the concussion came first. I knew of the killer. He wanted them to be in pain when they died, a penance of some kind. My girlfriend had found herself wrapped up in all of it.

Images of what may have been the fight flashed in my head, her slumped against the wall, the reality was worse. I'd tried to get away from the images. Now I understood why she hadn't even wanted to attempt sleep. The few times I'd willed myself into the bed my mind played tricks on me, hearing the door open and seeing her standing there had been the most cruel. There had been a few nightmares thrown in too. Any time I'd attempt to sleep in a room where she wasn't there would be an alert that Sara had died, I would never get to say goodbye. The only time I got a wink of sleep was whilst holding her hand. 

She liked it when I held her hand before. Maybe it was all stupid and juvenile but I could practically hear the smile on her face when my thumb slid over her knuckles. Every time, without fail. I wanted to just hear that one more time. Have her wake me from a daydream with that soft little laugh of hers and tell me that,  
"There was never a reason to worry. Sara Lance doesn't die." Oh how close to wrong she'd been. I suppose she had been full-on wrong really. Gideon hadn't been able to leave Sara to heal, with medical help. There had been a message throughout the ship when I'd gone for a drink, Captain Lance's heart had been stabilised. When I'd asked why, the AI told me her heartbeat had been lost for a few minutes, luckily she'd been resuscitated after a couple tries. That was when I vowed to not leave the room unless someone else was there. If the worst happened and she did die, I refused for her to do so alone. 

I'd lost track of how long it had been. Gideon had told us we were only waiting for Sara to wake from the coma more, whenever she was ready. It wouldn't have been so bad if that hadn't been the answer for at least a week. There had been the odd movement. With how rare it was the others were convinced I was making it up, but it was real. 

Everyone else was asleep so I had to leave her alone to use the bathroom. I hadn't been long, really. Still, when I returned, the room was empty. Panic overtook me.   
"Gideon, where's Sara?" My voice was incredibly controlled and calm for someone who was truly terrified.   
"Captain Lance is in her quarters." We really needed to teach the AI to have a voice other than calm. 

I didn't understand what was going on, I'd left her for maybe a few minutes. What I saw when I went to our room had been a dream of mine for a while now. No monitors, just her, alive.   
“Sara?” This was weird for a few different reasons, one being she hadn’t heard me coming. Her shoulder tensed in a way that told me she really hadn’t known I was there.   
“Could you give me a hand?” Her voice was hoarse, a clear sign of disuse.  
“Of course.” I hadn’t really noticed what I’d walked in on until now. The clothes she’d been in for a couple of days must’ve been feeling wrong, no wonder she wanted to change. She was struggling to get her jumper over her head, I wasn’t at all surprised by that. She'd suffered a beating. Gideon couldn't heal the aches that would come, as it was I noticed some of the bruising still there, scars now too. It was disheartening to know she was only injured because we were being idiots. Sara's wish hadn't just been to change her clothes. Somehow she figured she could shower single-handedly when she couldn't even change her shirt. Still, her exhaustion meant she soon accepted my insistent help. 

I'd done my best to look after her while she was out. I'd brushed her hair every day. Just little things to keep myself more sane. It wasn't just me who'd adopted a new behaviour. Every single one of the team ended up talking to her. Even in a coma, the captain was our voice of reason, we needed her more than she could ever realise. I thought of how excited everyone would be in the morning, although I planned to let her sleep in. The exhaustion of a half-hour on her feet was clearly getting to her. Even in the shower, I practically held her up. After I'd washed her hair, I left the shower a little earlier so she could enjoy the warmth of it. Seeing as how she'd probably be cold too I snuck away for a few minutes. The ship had a dryer so I chucked her towel in for a quick spin. When I returned it to her she looked as if she could have fallen asleep right then and there. If she would've I'd have settled her in the bed anyway. 

Usually, my favourite, fluffiest jumper was reserved for lounging around, that was what I wrapped her up in now. The poor woman was so exhausted. I felt her falling asleep as she lent more into me with each passing moment. It wouldn't have been an issue if she'd let me dry her hair first. Still, I wouldn't let her fall asleep with even the smallest discomfort so let her continue drifting off as I dried her hair for her. When we finally got under the covers she was straight out, or so I thought.   
"Dying sucks." The small words were the only indication I had of her consciousness.   
"I'll have to take your word for it," there was so much more I wanted to say to her, tell her how much I missed her and life generally sucked without her. "I really hope you don't plan to make a habit of it." That would have to do. An attempt at a chuckled came from the body next to me, there was something behind her actions.   
"As long as you don't either." There was a vulnerability with what she said, what didn't I know? That could be a question for another day, for now, she needed to rest.   
"Promise." That seemed satisfactory enough for now. Just for one bit of non-verbal communication to finish off the night. Finding what I was looking for, I placed a kiss on the back of her hand, it was Sara that brought our hands to rest under her chin. I'd really missed this closeness with her. 

She was getting stronger. The first few days were mostly her sleeping but now she was already back to her training. After a few weeks off she'd regressed a little but that hadn't lasted long. Even if she had managed to get back to fighting shape she wasn't ready for missions just yet and took on the role of QB, training Zari when she had the chance. It was a pleasure having my girlfriend back but she was still off somehow. There was something behind her eyes, pain and something else. I wanted to help her and she wouldn't let me. It was all made worse every time we messed up a mission, sure it was the Legends was but without Sara in the field, it wasn't getting better. Controlling everything from the ship just didn't work, so I started taking over. She let me, oddly enough. With less time spent playing QB the more, she could spend training Zari, who was actually getting pretty good. Seeing as how Zari was my friend she talked to me quite a bit now. According to her Sara just wasn't all there during their sessions. It wasn't rare to catch her staring off at the wall somewhere or just pausing for a second or two while doing something before carrying on. 

As per the fact that my girlfriend was ignoring anything important I had to just stay with her whenever I could, hoping she'd talk to me. She wouldn't want me to bring it up again, right? Whatever was being bottled up in her head needed a release and without being able to punch encores, the limited gym equipment we had would have to do. Zari was right. The number of times I'd walked in on Sara just staring at the equipment was beginning to get worrying. I'd mentioned getting Gideon to check her over but she'd just told me the scars were somewhat difficult to get used to. I guess that could've been it, wishful thinking. After that interaction I'd been invited to train with her, mainly sparring. That I could do.  
"I’m not fragile Ava, you don’t have to be scared to break me.” When she'd told me she was hurting slightly I may have started pulling my punches a little. "If you don't start taking this seriously I'll have to kick your ass." Joking, of course, that was her attitude to this.   
“You said your scars were hurting, you were just in a coma.” This was a hole her charm could not dig her out of, I cared about her too much to let that happen.   
“I know but you're not treating me like I'm, well, me." I guess she was right, I hadn't been the same around her.   
"I don't want to lose you again." Her fists dropped and she led me back to our room, were we finally having this conversation?  
"You're not losing me, babe." Her closed-off attitude said otherwise. It's not that I didn't know she was trying, it was that I felt her pushing me away.   
"What if I already have? You haven't been the same." Anxieties were not to be kept hidden, lest they be ignored.   
"Can you blame me?" Never.   
"No, but why won't you talk to any of us?" With everything, she'd been through I found myself worried some days that I didn't even know the real her if I ever would. According to her file, there had been a time she was relatively carefree. That could never be now.   
"Every single person on this team has broken down at some point or another and I've tried so hard to prove to them that they are surrounded by people that love them. Mick lost Snart, Ray once lost his suit, and Nora, Mona lost the Kopea, Nate his grandfather, father and Amaya, Charlie the thing that made them, them, Behrad once lost his totem, we all lost Stein and I lost you." The team depended on each other, that much was clear. "Someone needs to be strong in the face of everything else and as captain, I've sacrificed myself. I've had my fair share of breakdowns and there are just things you guys can't understand anyway. I will do what has to be done." Why didn't she understand that she didn't have to be alone in all this? Having emotions didn't have to be shunned by one person for the others to have their turn. Family is about support. 

There was something else behind all this, there had to be. Why couldn't she trust us?  
"Sara, my love, there are people who you can talk to here. Let someone else be the strong one for a little while." I should've known she would never allow that.   
"If I give up too, it's over. Everything that has happened has led me here and I'm still going." That wasn't the way a family, or a team worked.   
"We love you, we want to support you." Always.   
"I'm the captain, I will always do what's best for my team first." I knew the truth behind what she was saying. She wasn't worried that we wouldn't be there for her, she was scared of not being able to get back up again. She could never see how strong she really was.   
"Is giving up yourself really worth it?" The captain had already made that decision, and I knew where that left me.   
"Everything I care about, I lose and people I love, die. Everyone I love dies. To keep them alive I would sell my soul." When did I get to find out the truth?   
"But we're here, your team." Same words from earlier she wasn't quite understanding.   
"You all died Ava!" Finally. She lost her temper and told me the truth, not that I was sure I could handle it. Her tone traded my words for silence. It was all her now, and the truth. My heart hung heavy in my chest from the look on her face. "Kara, Barry, Kate, J'onn, Lex, Ryan and I were all that was left. You remember a Christmas with the team, and I remember a birthday I could never forget. You had your comms on and I heard you beg to know what was going on. I heard you calling for me, crying, screaming out in pain as I woke up to nothing but an empty universe. So don't try to understand because you can't know what that was like, I would never wish you to understand. I have to understand, and remember it all." That was what she was keeping from me? All this time I thought she was just scared, she was protecting me. I died?  
"Sara," what was I to say to all of that? No wonder she hadn't told us.  
"Don't." That's all she said before leaving me in that room alone. I didn't leave the room after that, that night. The thought of it all broke me. Everything else for her piled on top just seemed unfair. Just thinking about it led to me crying myself to sleep, just imagining what she'd been through. It was all a restless sleep. Whenever I woke I hoped for her to be beside me. It was all in vain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has made it this far, thank you. After the next chapter that will be the end of what has been pre-written so updates will be slower. I hope all of you are doing well at the moment and aren't too bored. If anyone has any comments I would love to hear them, until next time.   
> Be gay. Do crime.


	4. A Steep Price To Pay For Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When there are so many emotions swirling around in her heart, Sara's bound to let them control her a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of the rewritten chapters and anything further may be a little bit of a wait. Don't worry I'm already partway through it and it hopefully shouldn't take too long. So until next time.  
> Be gay. Do crime.

Narrator's POV

A heartfelt conversation had never been one of Sara's specialities. Anytime she'd had one someone had been hurt somehow, usually her to be honest. Now there was just this unbridled anger ripping through her heart. Memories of failing. Oliver, Laurel, her father, everyone on the team, Nyssa and anyone else she'd ever met. Her little curse proved she truly was all she feared to be. 

After leaving Ava in their room and hearing small sounds that were probably sobs she knew only one thing could help. There was a punching bag on the ship, along with a couple other useful apparatus. The bag acted as all Sara had hated. Malcolm Merlyn. Damien Darhk. Eobard Thorne. The Anti Monitor. Herself. Gloves and wrap were unnecessary now, each harder punch felt slightly more real. For everyone she'd lost, for everyone forgotten. All the bruising that would paint her knuckles soon was simply a reminder of what she was fighting for. She'd had her mind in the actions, only focusing on the searing pain that kept her going, if she stopped now she knew what was waiting for her. All the failures that haunted her. 

In her head Sara ran through every little hint she'd uncovered in the past weeks. Something had to change in this God-forsaken universe. When she finally came to this conclusion she felt a little more human than she had before, partially due to the torn skin on her hands and upper arms. The little fight the captain had with herself was not limited to just the punch bag. Her whole workout had put her through her paces, there was no energy left to give. Knowing what was inevitable she kept moving. 

For a while now Sara had not only been researching encores but also looking at other interesting points in history. One, in particular, had caught her eye. Something within it had promised a possible resolution to her problems. Research may have been dull but it worked. All evidence was in the books she'd been looking into, no one would even dream of catching her now. So her little plan was put into action. 

Suiting up in her gift from Laurel one last time, a new surge of strength rippled through her. When she'd gone to fetch the suit from her room the curled up form of her girlfriend had halted her. Muddled up in all this for no good reason. The woman had obviously fallen asleep wrapped in nothing but the day's clothes and her own arms. Pulling up the covers to her chin, Sara had wiped a few tears and left a final kiss on her forehead.  
"You deserve so much better." Final words had never held such a personal truth. Something such as this could never be deemed true or false. There was a definitive mindset buried into her mind by now. There was no coming back to this. No stopping was allowed and certainly no goodbyes. No matter how many times her heart crumpled under every step of her boot there was no turning back. For the team, that's all this was. Her heart was on the line but so was all she stood for, this was for the people who made her human. For the Legends, past and present. 

Frantic knocking was definitely Ava's least favourite alarm clock. Usually, Sara would answer it but seeing as her hand found no warmth on the other side of the bed she would have to.  
"Gideon, let them in." As someone stepped over the threshold, sleeping beauty's mind caught up with the events of last night. Had Sara not come to bed again?  
"Ava, as your friend I wanted to tell you first." What was Zari getting at? The sympathetic look was beginning to worry the parts of Ava's brain still waking up. An enthusiastic wave of her hand prompted the intruder enough to continue. "The encore alert went off." She really should've started with that.  
"What? Where?" The noose around Ava's heart loosened a little, this was something she could just face head-on.  
"If I knew, you'd be the first person I'd tell. All the others are still asleep." Helpful.  
"Gideon, where's the problem?" No answer.  
"I tried asking the computer but she wouldn't talk to me either, kind of rude don't you think?" Since when was the ship's most important asset out of action? Come to think of it, why weren't the main lights on in the hall? Ava shot out of bed and down the hall to the control room, Zari on her tail. For all 12 iterations of herself, she could remember one particular task Rip had once assigned to her. Learn about the waverider. This appeared to coincide with a particularly interesting command the ship had, one that had been used before. The Nostromo sequence. 

Seeing as Behrad was the ship's engineer it wasn't long before he was dragged out of bed too. Problem was, seeing as they weren't sure who had issued the command there was nothing they could do. Waiting for everyone to get up seemed about the only option. Just when they'd truly run out of ideas, Gideon came to life.  
"Pardon the interruption Miss Sharpe but I thought you may be interested in a message the captain left for you." Left? They may not have thought to go find the captain just yet but they'd just have more pressing matters for the moment. After last night Sara deserved a chance to rest.  
"Okay Gideon, play the message." What on earth could it be? They'd known soon as a partially static voice flooded through the speakers.  
"After the past few weeks it was clear to me you guys couldn't work too reliably out in the field together. I've listened to all of it and was still up when the alert went off so I'm going alone." The voice faltered briefly, clearly battling with something else at the same time, "um I'm taking the jump ship. There's a simple mission I'm going to do alone. I thought of it all though, should anything go wrong Gideon is already set to promote Ava to captain, she's the best leader we've got," arguable. "If all goes well I'll see you later. Try not to kill each other." Hearing the once eccentric captain with a voice devoid of emotion was nothing short of unsettling.  
"Is that it? Is that all we get?" Her answer sat before her on as a finished audio recording.  
"Yes, I should also inform you that for the next 12 hours you are unable to leave the temporal zone and the captain has hidden the time courier. I warned her against it but she turned me off for a few hours so I was not able to alert you. The only way around these manoeuvres is should the captainship transfer to you, Miss Sharpe." Never.  
"Thank you Gideon, but that won't be happening any time soon." If Sara thought Ava was going to let her die she was bonkers, thankfully that wasn't the captain's plan. 

Quick thinking patched them directly in Sara's earpiece, no space for unnecessary interruptions.  
"Sara, why did you go alone?” The expected anger was there, completely overwhelmed by worry. Ava's dreams had been flooded by what her girlfriend may have seen over the break. After waking up and being alone this was all too much. Even getting a reply would be surprising.  
“I can handle this.” Only a small part of Ava relaxed at hearing her voice.  
“I know but you should really have waited for back-up.” All anger had melted away, this was just a disguised hope that she'd be safe and home soon.  
“What so all the drama can extend to the field? We need clear heads and right now I’m the closest to that. Chew me out when I get back.” A chorus of doubts fluttered in the canary's head. There wouldn't necessarily be any coming home from this.  
“Sara, don’t you dare hang up on me again, please.” The team could only watch in silence as their interim captain practically begged before them, Ava was only like this for one person. That's when the worst happened, the feed cut out, “Sara! Sara!” Before them they watched a strong woman crumble. Panicked by more than they even knew, even the AI felt sorry for her. All she could confirm was that their captain wasn't dead.  
"I'm afraid Captain Lance has turned off her comms." Almost as if she only just realised she had a crowd, Ava turned to everyone around her, eyes glistening. "Can we get her back?" Every single one of her worst fears had triangulated here. Why had she let her go last night?

Behrad and Zari had disappeared to do whatever while everyone else debated what to do next. No one knew what to do without their captain. Conveniently, murmurs of her voice floated again through the ship as the brother-sister duo made their way back in.  
"Turns out we knew what we were doing." Zari had never looked so proud after something came out of her brother's mouth. It didn't last long however as a coherent sentence quietened them all down. Did Sara ever run out of witty remarks? The comedy diffused some of the tension lacing the room until they discovered the audio only worked one way. That's when Zari said,  
"We can't turn her audio on but we can her microphone." Before that revelation, Ava had started a long, heartfelt apology that was quickly interrupted by loud noises on Sara's end. Judging from the time period the correct consensus was a sword battle. The audio had cut out repeatedly. The simple fact that they could hear as much as they could seemed to be its own miracle. 

The clashing of metal against metal stung their ears which each new swing and yet no one left. Laboured breathing, panting almost had started to come through too. There just seemed to be too many of them, even for a highly trained Sara. When the remarks halted after a grunt of seemingly pain, many of the team held white-knuckled grips on something, anything. First,` they lost Ray and now they might lose their captain too. What had she been thinking? 

Her breathing was harsh, muffled slightly by the fight. The sound stopped again. When it reappeared there was a shared confusion as a shuffling noise was the only thing accompanying her breathing. A collective revelation washed over them, she'd been caught.  
"Shall we kill her sir?" There wasn't a single person among them who wasn't on edge, even Mick showed clear signs of worry over his friend.  
"Not yet," that was all they could hope for, for now. "The lady in white shall be taken to the King, she has returned after all this time." Even more confused now but still not able to break the silence, it was a surprise when someone finally did.  
"Please turn it off." The small voice had come from the blonde hunched over the control panel, staring pointedly at the captain's chair. Now the audio stopped again too. "Gideon, is there anything we can do?" Her whole attitude said she'd given up.  
"I'm afraid not Miss Sharpe, the no flying ban lasts another until midnight." Of course it did.  
"So she's not dead yet?" Just the word tasted horrible in her mouth but she had to know.  
"No Miss Sharpe." Right, so for now they had time. 

As per Ava's request, everyone was given a task they went to work on without argument. It hadn't been long before Nate had come running back to her with information on the lady in white. She'd fought alongside King Arthur many years before William The Conqueror was even born, that's where Sara was. How his knights knew of her meant only that she had become a legend, truly. After more research, this lady in white popped up often, earning herself an interesting following by historians. Thinking back on it, Nate had once written a paper on her. Who'd have known it would be his future captain? The novelty of it didn't last long however because she was awake. Gideon seemed to have taken the liberty to turn the sound back on.  
“How is it a woman gained such abilities and took down so many of my men?” The gruff voice was oddly entertained.  
“I had better training.” He laughed slightly at that.  
“And who trained you woman?” The league of assassins that didn’t exist yet, not that he really cared.  
“I can’t tell you that but I can say that I’m glad I ended up here.” Menacing could be one way to describe the ex-assassin right now and the king didn't seem to catch on.  
“You like being chained?” A grimace had found its way in the faces of a few listening ears.  
“I wished to have an audience with the king.” She'd said it with authority, one a ruler wasn't accustomed to listening to.  
“You have one, all I wish to know is would a warrior such as you fight for me?" A very confused Sara Lance had taken this comment at face value. How would she know of the weight her gifts held anyway?  
“I only wish to speak to the demon Astaroth, he is who you made your deal with.” Deal? 

Soon all guards were ushered from the room. There was only the king and the captain left, the team was anxious to know what was going on.  
“You ought to be killed now for your blasphemous talk, why should I show you mercy?” A dark, emotionless chuckle drifted through the speakers of the ship, dripping with malice and all things dark and convincing.  
“There are legends after me. You kill me and they’re here before you can call your guards.” The gulp was heard loud and clear, even from the across the room.  
“There’s no need for violence here, the being shall be summoned.” Moments later a new voice piped up, the king’s seeming left through a door.  
“What reason is there for my presence here?” Why did Sara wish to speak to a demon?  
“Astaroth?” The fact that Sara was so sure about a demon couldn't have an innocent reason.  
“It is I.” It just sounded tired.  
“I wish to bargain my soul with you.” Chains clattered around her, no longer clinging to her wrists.  
“No Sara! What are you doing?” Ava's cries had barely been distinguishable amongst the others.  
“Name your price.” What was she doing? Why was she doing this?  
“Sara!” All the screaming in the world could not warrant her attention.  
“Time partially reset, the timeline altered.” Every argument the pair had had recently flooded to Ava's mind. She'd told her to change their history but would she actually dare to do it?  
“How so?” More curious than anything, the demon persisted.  
“My team never disbanded but under a new leader, at the bureau, me included. No specific alterations to any past or future events other than that.” Why could she want that?  
“A steep price from a time that has not yet come.” Oh how badly Sara wanted to warn this being how much it's colleagues hated her but she dare not bait him when he still held the ability to kill her.  
“I want not to forget this timeline.” Just push a little more.  
“You’re asking for a lot, you’re aware.” Course.  
“I am asking only for 3 years past that point if I die before that my soul is yours. If I live my fate is up to you.” The crew were pretty much rioting with poor Ava living her own nightmare.  
“You have a deal.” A shaky breath came over comms as the weight of the moment sat heavy on her shoulders. The whole team was listening, she knew they would be.  
“I’m doing this for you guys, I love you.” There was a sincerity to her whisper they weren’t too familiar with when it came to Sara. “I’m sorry, this is for the best, I know you’ll do me proud.” When nothing happened the group almost let out a relieved, collective breath. Almost. 

Just when they thought they'd made it out into the clear a gargling interrupted their horror.  
"Gideon, get us there now." There was no need for panic when they opened their eyes to a similar scene, slightly dishevelled.  
"Captain Sharpe, do you still wish to visit William The Conqueror?" What? No.  
"Gideon, you will address me by Agent Sharpe and nothing else. Is that clear?" It was time what was left of those idiots was put to better use.  
"Yes, Agent Sharpe." That was better.  
"Good." Brushing out a few creases on her suit she carried on her checks. As she walked back to her desk, Agent Sharpe had a bit of a hard time washing away the nagging feeling in the back of her mind. She'd never asked the ship to set an address for anywhere. When she had a free moment she'd have someone look it over but for now, she needed to get to training the idiots that started this whole mess. Why else would Sara be on her mind?


	5. All's Fair In Love And War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding destined to fail in this timeline gets a new ally fighting for it. That's not the only change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot guarantee the next chapter in such a short timeframe as nothing has been written yet but a basic plan has been made. If you are enjoying the story or have any notes I would love to hear from you guys.   
> Stay safe. Be gay. Do crime.

Sara's POV

Never, had I ever pictured myself wearing a pantsuit, even to work. Come to think of it, a job never seemed realistic for me. Sure, the job was cool and the pay pretty good but was it this worth it? The outfit looked good on only Ava. I had noticed her checking me out once or twice in the office though. She'd taken it upon herself to train the legends and I, all I could remember was how much she once hated us. What would she say when I needed her help getting the ship? Barry's wedding was right around the corner. 

In the end, I hadn't gone to her. I managed to get past the main training when I got an invite guaranteeing the date and there seemed to be nothing more I could do. Sure, I could try going to Rip over her head but he was way too busy to talk to me. This time around all I'd be able to do was try and protect Stein. 

As it had happened before, I wasn't the only Legend who had been invited to the wedding. It was all happening again. Starting the fight next to Alex, again, only worried me further. Who would be there to help her sister this time around without my team on standby? I had to make a call. As soon as Ollie elected to talk to Tommy alone I took some time too. Without really concentrating, I made a quick call to the Bureau as opposed to just Rip, even my subconscious knew he wouldn't answer. I'd been training for hours now and worrying wasn't doing me any good before a big fight. The voice I heard back was not ideal after the failed wedding.   
"Agent Lance, aren't you supposed to be taking time off?" Of course, Ava happened to be working this weekend. 

The call didn't last long, thankfully. I knew it wouldn't be long before Oliver, Kara and Barry were back and the next part of the mission, enacted. I had a few minutes max. After spending the past few hours training and trying to help the brainiacs, we were getting somewhere.   
"If someone calls the waverider for help, promise me you'll answer." This was all I needed, otherwise we were all dead anyway.   
"You know I can't do that." Just for once, ignore the rules, please.   
"Please Ava, I don't have time to do this. I don't have long and this is serious. If someone calls the team for help please just do it." C'mon Ava.   
"Agent Lance, what's going on?" She still managed to pull at a few of my heartstrings, calling me by a different name and in her different time but it was still her.   
"Sara, it's time to go." Oliver called out to me from the doorway. Having both of them back at the same time was a dream I never thought I'd see.   
"Please Ava." I needed to hear her say yes, just hear her voice possibly one last time. I'd survived before but nothing was ever guaranteed if anyone knew that it was me. I didn't have the heart to hang up just yet.   
"Agent Lance? Agent, report! Sara, tell me what's going on so we can help." She never called me by my first name, there was someone that always did though and he was waiting.   
"Sara!" Despite what I wanted, I had to say goodbye. There was no way to prolong the inevitable.   
"Coming!" If this were the last time I fought alongside him it would be an honour to get him back again. "I've already told you all you can do." All possible responses were silenced with a simple press of a button. I had to trust her now. Maybe the dramatic flare would be enough to convince her. 

I failed again, I couldn't protect Stein. It was abundantly clear that I hadn't thought anything through when I heard Jax's cries. There was no way to separate them. There was no way to heal Stein. They were both doomed to die because of me. When they joined to be Firestorm for what was possibly the last time I didn't know what the plan was on the other side of that portal. I went through last. The pair was nowhere to be seen but someone was. 

After everything the villain wearing my father's face had said, seeing a familiar face was a relief. If this were a different timeline I'd have hugged her.   
"I directed Jax to the waverider. Someone hailed the ship for help and after your call Rip made an exception." A government official had never brought me such joy and pain at the same time, of course, she had to tag along too. "The team is with the others on the ship, it's a good job we showed up when we did or Supergirl would've been toast." Beside me, Alex heard her and rushed off to find her sister. I could only imagine I'd have done the same if it were Laurel.   
"Thank you." She walked mostly silently beside me onto the ship. I guess I had some explaining to do. 

As usual, she waited for me to start talking, never pushing me. I knew exactly what question she wanted me to answer. Why did I call the bureau for help?  
"We were ambushed at Barry's wedding, Earth X doppelgangers. All I knew was that we needed a few more superheroes and probably some medical help. I didn't have time to call them individually; I actually meant to call Rip. Then we got kidnapped and," her hand on my arm stopped any forward movement.   
"You were kidnapped? Is that why your phone wouldn't even connect?" I'd assume a call wouldn't work across dimensions.   
"Yep," She was shocked now."But wait, there's more. I talked to my evil father, nazis tried to kill us, Leonard Snart's double saved us, we joined the resistance for a little bit, Stein got shot and now we're here." She wouldn't let me walk away from her this time.  
"I get you're probably mad," I laughed a little at that, understatement of the year, "Sara, please just remember you have backup here, friends." For Stein, I would gladly go down as long as I took even one of them with me.  
"When he dies, I won't need it." Martin was family.   
"You don't know that's going to happen." Sure. I couldn't look at her when I walked away this time. I needed to be ready for this fight. 

Ray had been working with the tech at the bureau to help come up with a cure for Jax and Martin. I only figured this out when I walked in to find the old guy dead, again. What kind of captain was I when I couldn't even save or protect my team? He was supposed to make it home to his wife and daughter. I failed them. 

News of his death spread pretty quick, thankfully I didn't have to wait for Ava to come find me for a heart to heart. I couldn't take that right now. We started our march as a team once the evil Oliver threatened Kara. My coworker stayed to help pilot the ship. Alongside all the heroes I was honoured to fight with, I'd never felt stronger. 

During the battle, we sort of separated into groups, Alex and I fought together. Guns were tossed away from our attackers as we picked off a few more at a time. Once we'd battled through and both survived, something was wrong. More of the mindless fighters flooded around us. With little other choice, Alex had called into the comms for backup and only one voice answered. The familiar buzz of a portal drifted almost silently beside me and out she stepped. Still wearing the suit, Ava got to work shooting down whoever she could. She wasn't used to anything like this. The fight training at the bureau wasn't anywhere near this intense, she hadn't learnt to watch her own back. 

Spotting an armed gunman aiming for the blonde's back I took off in a sprint. She wouldn't hear a warning over all the noise, nor could I reach the masked figure in time. I had no knives left to throw. My timing appeared to be impeccable since a bullet tore clean through my leg. There was a wave of pain, rippling through my body from my back too. Maybe I'd missed a gunman as well. Watching the boot about to connect with my face while I still lay on the floor was only adding insult to injury. All I knew was that I'd saved her, for now, that was what was important. 

Why had I been in the position so many times? I wasn't dead, the pain was a confirmation of that but the burning sensation against my skin didn't make much sense when there was barely any sun. Bodies littered the ground around me, thankfully only faceless people wearing all black. As the sound around me slowly grew louder I knew the fighting had only continued. This wasn't how it had gone before. 

The nearest thing beside me, other than bodies, was a discarded gun. I could at least try to help. Sticking a hand into the dirt around me I found it was wet, I knew exactly why. Still, I ignored every inch of my body begging to just give up and dragged myself forward. My head was a little woozy but I'd dealt with far worse. Utilizing my training, I just about managed to make the smallest movement toward the weapon before the telltale sound of victory sounded. The bang sounded more far-off than it really was. A dust cloud rose up somewhere near me and I finally gave in to the promising pull of letting go. I heard my name a few times, possibly, but it all sounded so far away. We won. I could rest now. 

The pain was gone, had I died again? It was different last time but apparently I was only in purgatory before so I couldn't be sure. Was I waking up in the future again? Slowly I cracked my eyelids open to find a place I'd been many times before, the medbay. I was alone. Gideon soon let me know she wasn't quite done and that everyone was getting debriefed somewhere on the ship. Before the planning of Stein's funeral had taken place. How much had changed?   
"Captain, I cannot heal you unless you are sedated." Course not. Guess I'd have to wait this one out then, there was nothing else I could do. 

Waking up again later led me to be surrounded by a few unexpected people, Oliver and Ava. Whispers of their conversation floated to my ears. Essentially, I think Oliver was attempting to reprimand Ava for going into the field unprepared and she was not having it.   
"Children, can't I leave you alone for two minutes?" Both of them turned to me, I was a little stiff but alright. My old friend got up to leave. No doubt finally taking off his suit, they quickly got uncomfortable.   
"Just wanted to make sure you were alright." And just like that, he was gone. Someone else's words were able to distract me from him though.   
"You were right about Professor Stein." My literal past guaranteed I would be.  
"I know, I wasn't about to lose another teammate." I'd made my peace will losing Martin a long time ago, losing her too would break me.  
"After that I would've figured we were friends." Head down, eyes up, cheeks flushed. I couldn't let this go any further this time around but maybe we could be friends.  
"I'd say you're a legend by now." Just to see her smile one more time I'd say anything. Ava didn't have to hate me just yet. There was something discomforting though, something colouring on her cheek. "What happened to your face?" My fists clenched unconsciously at the thought of someone hurting her. How dare they? If this were another time I'd have used my hand to frame her face for a better look, I wasted that opportunity. She waved it off so easily, a reserved disposition washing over her.  
"I tried to get to you in the middle of the fight, there was a little resistance." No matter what I tried she wouldn't let Gideon help her. Claiming her first war wound would remind her to train harder. My mouth worked faster than my brain.  
"Maybe I could train with you sometime?" Why was I doing this to myself?  
"Sounds great." That damned smile would make this so much more difficult. 

When I managed to pull myself, with some unneeded assistance, from the chair I soon found myself walking the familiar halls to the bridge. Waiting for us was the team, including Zari. It hadn't been too easy to get her involved. At first, I'd managed to convince Rip that she was at risk because of a time-travelling assassin so until said assassin was captured she was in protective custody. The agents assigned to her were Nate and Ray. When the bureau discovered the totem she possessed (thanks to me) Amaya was brought back for a little while to play teacher. So far, everything had gone okay. It wasn't until we all returned from the funeral with the waverider that anything substantial was put into place. 

Director Hunter had called me into his office soon after my return, Ava was there too for some reason. The typical congratulations on my recovery and condolences had been given before something a little more surprising.  
"Agent Sharpe believes it would be better for the timeline if a team such as the Legends were active and we wanted to get your input. If the idea were accepted would you be willing to lead them again?" This opportunity was delivered to me on a silver platter.   
"With all due respect, Director, there is a better agent than me who I believe should lead them." Ava may have mastered the poker face but I could still see the shock written all over her. "I believe Agent Sharpe should be the one to lead the team. She is a better leader than I could ever hope to be and more experienced when it comes to dealing with the timeline." Rip took a few seconds to think it over before turning to her.  
"What do you say, Agent Sharpe? Do you fancy a more submersive role in saving the timeline?" She would never say no to Rip, she couldn't say no to her boss. A confused glance to me and she had her answer.  
"I would be honoured sir." Bet she hadn't expected that when she started this conversation.   
"Very well then Captain Sharpe. I suggest the pair of you work together to learn each other's roles." Wait, had I missed something here? Roles plural?   
"Rip, I've only been here a few months." This was all way too much responsibility, Ava was crucial to the agency.   
"Please Sara, you've worked with time for years now and I see no better agent to take over Ava's role." There was clearly no room for argument here. Guess I was getting a promotion.   
"Yes sir." I decided not to chance a glance at the new captain of the legends, the conversation after this would be riveting enough on its own.   
"If that's all," he need not finish his sentence, we walked out pretty quickly. 

Before I could get back to work Ava decided to walk us straight through a portal, directly into her apartment. Acting like I'd never loved this place before was difficult.   
"I thought you wanted your team back? I'm not some captain of a time ship and certainly cannot control and coordinate the crew." I never asked her to get the crew back for me. Even now she cared enough about me to try and make me happy.   
"You managed just a few days ago." This conversation wasn't going anywhere if I couldn't tell her a real reason, I owed her way more than that. With a sign, I gave in. "There are still people I love that I want to spend time with. I need to be able to see my family more often. I hope you understand. I will always be available to help and only a call away but I need this." The untold truth behind it all was needing to distance myself from the family I couldn't keep and the woman I could never love enough. She deserved so much better than me. Where I had far too many worries of my own to be there for her I couldn't be the person she needed by her side. "I just want to be a little normal, Ava. Can you blame me?" One day I would learn to be good enough to be loved.   
"I guess not." Her eyes dropped down to her hands as if I'd rejected her, I guess I had in a way. "Well then, us training together can be on company time now." Finding the silver lining had always been one of her specialities. We organised to start our training for our new jobs the next day, this would be the last day of having no one really depending on me. Bliss could never last long. 

First was weapons training. The government may have trained their agents to be able to use many different weapons but that would've been nowhere near enough for every possible time period they could run into. Being able to use a sword like you'd never used anything else was a must. They could face pirates one day. 

Seeing as how it would soon be her home, I organised for Ava and I to train on the waverider. The crew were ought to stop by later for something or other so she was supposed to be there anyway. Most of the weapons she could handle like a natural. Her abilities could probably be traced back to where she was from but I dare not mention it, this Ava could live without that self-doubt. We'd progressed through the majority of the weapons way faster than anticipated. When given choice of weapons for our sparring session near the end she still picked a baton. I did the same. There was a familiarity to her movements, she'd used them against me before. Her first attack was easily deflected as we moved on to trading swings. Being mentally aware of what I was doing slipped away as my instincts took over. One weapon each, both hands trying to hold back the other but her body almost pressed into mine with the wall to my back. I shouldn't have held back. 

In what was only a short break I saw her eyes leave mine and snap slightly lower before returning. I watched her lean in just a little and did all I could to get out of it. Slipping a foot behind her own, I pushed with all my strength and watched as her balance was lost. Still holding onto me, I was pulled down to the floor too. Since it was still technically a fight I pinned her arms so she didn't have any chance to continue. I didn't mean for us to be so close. It was being able to feel her breath that I noticed first. Bringing my mind back to what I was doing revealed her staring at what was definitely not my eyes. I couldn't control myself. As she brought her lips up to mine I kissed her. My mind realised what I was doing immediately. Why couldn't I force myself to stop? It wasn't until a voice called for us elsewhere on the ship that being able to pull away became a possibility. Jumping to my feet, an out of breath Ava was just about sat up when Nate rounded the corner a little confused. Sticking out a hand to the woman still on the floor, she was on her feet and talking to the legend before I'd even finished gathering batons to put away. With a comment about me meeting them on the bridge she was gone. Running a hand through my hair I just tried to get her out of my head. What had I let myself do?


	6. Growing Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When an old hellish foe appears how will Sara change the original tale?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delayed update I have had to make some incredibly big decisions for my life over the past few weeks and have also recently started some medication I'm having to get used to. As I'm getting closer to the original premise for this story I hope to find the motivation to update more regularly but thank you for making it this far. You reads, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. I hope you are all staying safe and enjoy this update.   
> Be gay. Do crime.

In this story Rip's tangle with Damien Darkh doesn't get the hoard of agents killed until after the crossover. 

Ava's POV

For years the bureau had taught us that what the legends had done was destructive, negligent and intentional. Spending time with them, I discovered none of that was true. Mostly. 

In the months since the reform of the team, even Mr Rory showed signs of improvement. Originally, I'd been sceptical about him most. After working with them for only a few weeks I believed they were ready for a real mission. We'd spend plenty of time in the Temporal zone preparing ourselves and training so when Gary had called to wish me something other than a Happy Holidays on the 25th, there could've been something wrong. 

Seeing as how this would be our first mission I opted to call their old captain for backup.   
"Captain Sharpe, what can I do for you?" It was clear she'd taken over the serious work attitude between the pair of us.   
"Nice to see you too, Sara." Being with this merry band of idiots may have helped me loosen up a little.   
"Here I thought formalities were never really your thing. What's up Ava? Happy Beebo day by the way." Behind her I could see little hints of my old apartment. It had made sense just letting her have it. There were two bedrooms so I still had somewhere to keep any stuff I didn't want on the ship. It had taken a moment to realise what she'd actually said.   
"Beebo day?" That was new. So it definitely wasn't just Gary being weird again.   
"Yeah. C'mon don't tell me you never celebrated with presents and Turkey and shitty jokes." Nope. This had to be some sort of gag at my expense. I was not getting into this.   
"There's no such thing as Beebo day Sara, stop kidding around."   
"Dude, December 25th. Don't tell me they're making you lose your mind already." There were two reasons this date stood out to me and neither was about this 'Beebo Day'. Must be part of an anachronism.   
"It's supposed to be Christmas," I watched her come to the same conclusion I had. There was something else I wanted to say to her too. "Happy birthday by the way." Judging by the rosy colour on her cheeks, often people forgot this was her day too.  
"Thanks Ava." This adorable little smirk pulled at the corners of her mouth for as long as the call lasted. I'd been so mesmerised she may have had to repeat one of her questions. "I just asked if there were a work reason as to why you called."   
"Kind of." Surely it was illegal for her to be so adorable. She only tilted her head. "We were going to check out the anachronism and I wanted to know if you could tag along, first mission and all." There was no verbal response. Behind me, the familiar electric buzz of a portal through time and space caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.   
"So what are we doing?" I hadn't been able to see all of her through the video feed but now I could only admire how good she looked in the suit. The gayest parts of me were kinda freaking out a little. Right, anyway. Anachronism needed to be dealt with. 

What a mess. By the time we actually got to the damn toy causing the anachronism the team had already fallen apart, and then Damien Darkh showed up. With what little control I'd managed to hold onto, we all made it back to the ship. Having a young Martin Stein on the ship was not good for morale. Jax and Zari went to escort him back to his time while I tried desperately to get through to a clearly furious Sara. When I finally found the time to see her, she was gone. Her phone only led to her voicemail. I'd left a message, a few actually. I was worried about her. Her file and all information about her had been something I'd been tasked with learning. Even a minor point could be important to us. That's why I knew who killed her sister. So why wasn't anyone at the bureau answering my video call? 

Amidst the chaos, Ray pulled me aside from a few moments.   
"Sorry to bother you, captain Sharpe, I'm just, well I'm a little worried about Sara." Naturally.  
"Why's that?" There could always be something that incredibly detailed file had missed, it was probably outdated by now.   
"It's just, a little while after she started working at the bureau she got sent on a regular mission, just basic. Only it wasn't that simple." Sara Lance couldn't do simple. "She was trying to rescue Helen of Troy with some other agents when Darkh and his daughter attacked. Sara managed to hold them off while the agents got Helen to safety, and backup but when they got back the duo left her barely alive." Dramatic pauses may have been useful when he was a CEO but I needed to know what exactly happened with this one. "She was alright, obviously. She was in a coma for a little while but I don't think she'll hesitate to run at them headfirst." Sure, everything else was important too but there was something nagging at me.   
"Why didn't I know about this?" The legends were originally assigned to operate under me. I was supposed to receive all information on them, had that changed when Sara was fully working for us?  
"I think people just tried to keep it under wraps. With Rip, and all that they didn't want to cause any more panic." His face fell a little, not looking comfortable on the ordinarily cheerful guy's face. "I only found out when I was supposed to meet her for lunch a little while later. One agent told me as if it were nothing." So that's why no one told me, they weren't aware that anyone would care to know. These agents had all gone through the same intense training as me. Having these people just waltz in one day had caused them to treat the legends as second class citizens. Anyone who'd talked to at least Sara had quickly changed their tune, I'd seen them but apparently that hadn't been enough. This new information put a lot more weight on finding the elusive white canary. 

We couldn't risk our lives by going back there, that much was obvious. To make everything even more clear, I'd received a message from Director Bennet's assistant. The Legends were not to return to fix the anachronism; it would be dealt with. No more information. Thing was, there was only one person who could've warned the director and only one person who would've volunteered for a mission like this one. There wasn't the manpower to defeat the Darkhs but Director Bennet had always hated Sara and her team. When the decision to recruit them to the bureau was made clear, Bennet had always made his distaste apparent. Allowing one of his agents to volunteer for a mission such as this would not be surprising. Orders may have been there for a reason but this time, I had to ignore them. 

Gideon had made me aware that the anachronism had been fixed before we'd even landed. That was great and all, the team even celebrating our first successful mission but Sara's phone still wasn't answering. I left the ship, alone. Still, in the stupid outfit, Sara had insisted I wear, I was in time to see Damien Darkh wielding a staff that knocked out every Viking around him. When he knelt around who I assumed was his daughter and started to disappear I was confused. How could the mistake have been fixed if he hadn't left yet? Had the reason he left only needed to be present? 

There wasn't time for questions or answers as a white-suited woman ran through the possible graveyard of soldiers. I didn't know if they were alive. I didn't know how she was alive. Apparently she didn't plan to keep it up as she started to disappear too, her hand on 'Odin's' shoulder. My feet carried me towards her. I really had very little to do with any of it. I hadn't been too far away, it was just no one cared to look. 

Ignoring whatever was happening to them, I managed to get a hold of some part of her suit and I just pulled her towards me. Fear flashed across her eyes.   
"You came back." Duh. I wasn't letting her die.   
"Thought you might need backup, guess you needed me." That wasn't supposed to hurt her at all but it appeared to. Was there something going on with her? Definitely. 

The rest of the time I spent with her she seemed uncomfortable. There was a battle she was fighting that I knew nothing about. Did something happen before I got there? It was difficult to figure any of it out with her. It was as much as I could do to get her to the med bay, and that was after she told me about the different dimension. Gideon cleared her but I just couldn't accept there was nothing. The two of us organised a meeting with the remaining director and that was that for a little while. The meeting took ages to actually have a date. 

It was all the beginning of a lot for her. New responsibilities and apparently a connection with a demon. That's what John Constantine said anyway. Some blonde British man had waltzed his way onto the bridge and called out for Sara when she wasn't even here. When I'd asked him just who he was and what he wanted I was not pleased with his nicknames for me. After a little bit of an explanation, I explained what I knew about Mallus, I seemed to be roped into helping him with a possessed girl at a mental institute. I did not like this man at all, but Sara wasn't answering her phone to any of us so there was no other option. She was just really busy. 

Hearing a demon sprout her name out of the mouth of that young girl twisted something in my stomach. Could she not be left in peace? That damn demon talked of her as if she were an old friend of us all. Him having a grip on Sara was terrifying. She'd told me about this desolate plane of existence, I saw her fiddle with her hands as she recalled something she didn't want to remember. I hadn't even talked to her since then. What if it had her right now? There had been dreams invading my sleep for a long time now, almost always involving Sara and showing me these adventures I would never go on. Only one had woken me so far. 

Screams of someone else's affection for this person tumbled from my mouth. White hair, pale skin and hollow black eyes. Sara? Black eyes were all I could associate with her discoloured face, even though her eyes were closed. She lay still on the floor. I wasn't listening to the words that poured from my mouth. There was a life here that I knew nothing of, it wasn't mine but here I was experiencing it. Actions weren't even mine. Seeing some fake Sara like that only made me desperate for the one I knew was real. She had to be okay, or at least alive. Just a friendly check-up between friends. It's not like she was answering her phone anyway. 

Knocking yielded no result. When I left this place a few months ago I never realised I could be back so soon. Who knew you could miss an empty apartment? My little bubble of longing was popped with the shattering of glass. Thankfully, I still had the spare key. 

Every surface was littered with empty bottles and every bit of furniture pulled away from the walls. Curtains were closed and windows blocked. The little, crumpled up person in the corner wasn't even recognisable like this.  
"Sara?" I tried to take heavy steps to let her know I was getting closer, even with my softest voice it didn't seem like I was doing enough to calm her at all.  
"Get out of my head damnit!" Her yelling caught me off guard but I didn't stop moving towards her. Even as a bottle was tossed weakly towards me, I caught it. 

Kneeling down in front of her wasn't enough until my hands were placed over her knees.  
"I'm real, Sara. Look at me." Her eyes lifted slowly up to my face, only revealing even more fear than I'd anticipated.  
"No, Ava. You need to get out of here. Get away from me. He's coming for me, you need to be safe." I'd never pictured the ever-confident Sara Lance cowering and shaky.  
"Who's coming for you? Just tell me what's going on." Her behaviour was skittish and her eyes were darting around just trying to avoid me.   
"Mallus." It was almost as if he were some kind of Voldemort and the mere utterance of his name would call him forward. "He wants me Ava, get out." With all the bravery a scared woman could muster, she pushed away from me and the corner where she was huddled. Trying to feign what she believed to be confidence while telling me to leave one more time, instilling how she was 'perfectly fine'. All remains of that image were soon shattered. I didn't know what she saw but judging by how she'd slammed herself against the kitchen counter attempting to get away from something I couldn't even see, it must have been horrendous. There wasn't much that could terrify someone who'd been dead, an assassin and had travelled through time. I was by her side in seconds. 

Calling her name did very little. I hated seeing her in whatever kind of pain this was. Her breathing was quick and shallow, she was hyperventilating and talking was doing nothing. Pulling her close to me, I just did the first thing I thought of, I wasn't used to situations like these. One of my arms wrapped around her shoulders with the other pulling her legs onto my lap. She had no option but to face me. Everything around us was unimportant. 

Gradually, her breathing slowed to a more regular pace but she didn't move away from me. With a groan of discomfort from her, I felt my heart jump with just how close we were. This little bubble had seemed to form around her, only the sound of breathing there until Sara made her consciousness known.  
"That's the first time they left me alone all week." She didn't want to be alone, no matter how much she'd try to deny that fact. Until John could get here I didn't plan to leave her side. No one should have to deal with her demons and then literal ones too, especially not alone. With all that was going on, and now her impromptu haunting, she seemed she could use a little support.   
"You could've called any of us, you could've called me." I may not have been a legend with her but that didn't mean I didn't care.   
"I wasn't going to put any of you in harm's way." When people care about you, they'll be there no matter the risk. That wasn't something I had the heart to bring up now though, John had texted me to say he was free.   
"Hey where's your time courier? John Constantine wants a lift." Why he couldn't use his spell again I didn't understand. I also didn't want to have to move away from her should she not have it on her.   
"Upstairs, my room, top drawer on the right side of the bed." Interesting choice, I always preferred to the left. 

The room wasn't what I expected, I didn't know what I'd been expecting from her to be fair. There was a messy kind of organised to the room. She'd made the most of the small space. I'd offered her the larger room, the one I'd lived in but she'd been adamant about not wanting it. The ensuite bathroom probably went unused now. Other than that, the only other room upstairs was another bathroom. There was a living space at the top of the landing that she seemed to make use of for training. I never could find anything to do with it. 

The device I was looking for was exactly where she'd said it would be. I tried not to be nosy but my curiosity got the better of me. On a small dresser by the door sat a few picture frames filled with smiling faces. That normal thing seemed to be working out for her. Excusing the demon thing, she seemed happy. 

Some of the bottles had been cleared away and the glass swept up from the floor. There was this domesticity to this woman that I could never pick out from her file. This ex-assassin preferred coffee to tea and liked 2 sugars in her drink. I caught sight of the way she'd unconsciously counted them out. As if a behaviour like that could just be forgotten or an accidental spoonful added. If I didn't know her past, I'd dare to call her normal. All that pain and she could still exist like this. No one knew exactly what she'd been through, even future technology could never be that thorough but I knew enough.   
"I got the courier." Her training told me she'd hear me coming but I called out just in case.   
"Cool, do you want a hot drink?" Greasy hair and comfy clothes. Something so basic but I'd never wanted to be with someone so desperately. Wait, the drink. She was waiting for an answer.   
"No thanks, I try not to drink caffeine after 6 unless I'm working." Why was I telling her this?   
"I have decaf, that's what I'm drinking. Never did really like the taste but I've got some caramel flavouring too. You want some?" I'd never been more thankful for someone diffusing the tension.  
"Sure. 2 sugars please." She'd already started putting the sugars in before I'd finished, guess I was that predictable. 

John cleared her. After thoroughly checking with several different weird things he carried around, there was no demon left apparently. He wasn't confident but he was sure about it. The more interesting part of the conversation had been about how Sara had kept it at bay for so long. Her will was strong but this was a demon with the power to communicate across realms. Her simply pointing to a small device was not enough of an explanation, the technology seemed familiar though. I recognized it from her file as something she'd used in her non-legend days. Her old Sonic device. Somehow I couldn't believe that would stop Mallus, neither did the warlock. According to her, after accessing some of Ray's old files on Mick's heat gun and it's alternative, she'd put together a small energy device that replicated the effect of the two guns crossing. She'd been more specific than that but it was lost on me. What Sara had done was brilliant and apparently what she'd used on the younger Darkh. It was genius. 

Despite his suspicions, Mr Constantine had soon left after, claiming he had better things to do and whatnot. A conversation had gone down between the two, deciding that what she'd made would be turned into a more suitable weapon by Ray Palmer, should anything happen. The unspoken hint that it would be used on her was not a welcome thought. I wouldn't let that happen. 

More realisations of her reality the past week hit me later on. She'd been using this device to essentially torture herself indefinitely and now she couldn't even have a break. With the bureau's current staffing issue, I had no doubt she would be called back in sooner rather than later. Just catching her flinch a few times I wanted to take her away from all this insanity for a few days. It wouldn't be much, just a thank you from saving my life. Everything that was happening to her could be happening to me and I wouldn't be able to handle it anywhere near as well as she does. Sara Lance just kept saving my life. 

We were just cleaning up the last of the mess. Bottles were ready to be recycled and everything that had gone off binned. I couldn't imagine how she'd survived like this for a week when there was so much unused food. Had she even eaten? Trying to move on from that thought I snuck a glance over to where Sara was only to find a frustrated look on her face. She had absolutely no right to look so adorable huffing about a stubborn stain.   
"You don't have to stay if you want to go back to the ship, you've already helped a lot." The same training that enabled her to go without looking after herself for a week always let her know when people were watching her. Subtly wasn't my strong suit anyway.   
"No that's alright, I offered to help clean up anyway." There was just this odd sort of need for me to be in this apartment tonight. The team were following a possible lead to a totem while fighting pirates and I just wanted to be here. A movie or two and just talking to Director Lance just seemed better to me. Fighting pirates with her by my side would've been the most satisfying option but this would do. 

All good things must end. A call from Gideon was something I could mostly ignore until I saw the ship falling through the sky. A knock at the door had only furthered the interruption. Gary needed to talk to his boss, Sara's work was never done.


	7. Stupid Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever the hero and with knowledge of the future, what mess will Sara find herself in next?

Narrator's POV

The following days, work never slowed down or stopped. Sara was busy with her assignments and had very little time to check up on the people she cared about, intentionally of course. It was just something that had slipped her mind. The human brain was truly unreliable when it came to remembering every detail of her past, something like this shouldn't have been forgotten. 

Captain Sharpe and Rip Hunter had been reprimanded by the current director of the bureau. He continued to berate them and ignore any attempt to let them speak. All of that was until the time travelling gorilla ripped him apart, as you do. It had all happened so fast. Screams tore through the speaker of the dropped phone they'd been talking to the boss on. There were people running away but still more screaming. As the call finally shut itself off, there was so much to consider. Was the bureau over? Was there anyone left to help them? On a singular wavelength, both came to the same thought. Sara. 

The captain's first thought was to rush in weapons hot. This wasn't their first run-in with Grodd and the entitled ape needed to allow the next step on the evolutionary ladder. With fury in her eyes and worry in her heart, Ava was stopped from gathering the team.   
"If you go in now, they could very well just get themselves killed." She was the reason the team existed. More importantly, she was their friend.   
"We have to find Sara, she could be in there." The unspoken fear of that being the truth sat heavy in the air. If she was there, it was probably already too late.   
"No offence Ava, but the team couldn't defeat Grodd before and there are civilians. We'll find her but right now we need to wait until it's safe." Rip had never been the one to lie for the sake of hope. Sara Lance was worth it. Only one thing came to mind in the painstaking time that followed. When did a legend ever go quietly? 

There were no messages. Nothing.   
"Captain, the time bureau is hailing you." The trail she'd paced into the floor seemed to let out a breath of relief as Ava rushed to the screen in her office.   
"Put her on." The wrong name sat on her lips. "Gary," No, she sounded too disappointed, at least he didn't seem to notice.   
"Thank God, agent-uh, Captain Sharpe. Something happened and Agent Lance told me to hide here, in the cupboard and said she'd come back but she hasn't yet and it's getting really hot and I kind of need to pee and," This was not the time for his rambling.   
"Gary!" So she was there, where could she be now?   
"Sorry, it's just Agent Lance told me that if there's ever an emergency to call you and the Legends. I just, what do I do Captain?" The million-dollar question.   
"Open a portal here, then we'll talk." Nothing. "Gary, come on." Even in the low light, holding the phone so close to his face only showed guilt.   
"I can't." What now?  
"Why? What happened to your time courier?" This wouldn't be the first one he'd lost or had stolen from him but the stocks weren't limitless, nor was the device cheap.   
"Sara said she needed it when she ran off." As much as the legends focused on what was in front of them, they could see no plan.   
"Okay Gary, just sit tight. I'll come and get you when it's safe." They had to be able to get down there by now. "Gideon, can we jump yet?" Surely the mutant ape would be gone by now.   
"I'm sorry Captain, I have orders from Agent Lance to not land at the bureau until agents call the all-clear. The time courier is also offline." Why was everything stopping them from trying to help? There was an emergency, surely they should've been allowed to help.   
"I'm the Captain of this ship, surely I can override the orders?" There had to be something, some way to help.   
"As the Time Bureau is my official base and Agent Lance has the clearance to give me orders, there isn't anything you can do other than wait for the government officials." Damnit Lance!  
"Hang tight Gary, you may be in there a little while longer. Sara had a failsafe set-up. We're not going anywhere for the minute." Waiting was definitely the worst and most difficult part of the entire thing.   
"Please hurry, I already drank all my water and my doctor said I have a very small bladder." Of course he did.   
"Gideon, end call." Was there anything they could do other than wait?

Time was truly irrelevant, and not just because they regularly travelled through it. How long it had been since they had talked to Gary was beyond them, even the ship's AI seemed to have given up.   
"Captain, the Time Bureau has been declared safe, should I set a course." A chorus of yesses could be heard screamed throughout the ship. 

As soon as the ship touched down on the rooftop of the bureau, everyone was suited up at the airlock, feigning the hope that they could be of use. The halls were mainly empty, excusing the shards of glass littering the floor. Lights were off and doors left open. Ava had never seen the building like this before, even the night shift was never this bleak. This place had once been a kind of home to her and now her mind told her she was only trespassing.   
"Gary!" Texting him first would've made more sense but logic wasn't the most important thing to them right now. The room he worked in didn't even have a cupboard. Where could he be? 

Almost as if someone had hit a switch, a lightbulb moment occurred. If the building was secure the agents had probably rounded him up by now. Pulling out her phone, Ava quickly dialled him. The ringing of a phone didn't interrupt the silence suffocating them.  
"Where are you?" No hello or how are you, this was more important than pleasantries.   
"Outside the bureau, no one is allowed to leave just yet. There's a check going down for casualties and," No extra information needed.   
"We'll be right out." Gary only anticipated her hanging up, again. 

Even as the team made their way closer to where Gary was, they all still looked out for the familiar blonde hair of their old captain. A couple false alarms later and they focused on him.   
"Rip-Director Hunt- er, aren't you a fugitive?"   
"That's not important right now, where's Sara?"  
"She's not with you?" A seemingly simultaneous shake of everyone's heads only sent more worry to the agent's face. "No one knows where she is. If she's not here she could be d-," No, never think like that. This was Sara Lance.  
"What happened here? When did you last see her?" Concentrating on something else would certainly be a good distraction, hopefully.   
"It was a dark and gloomy night," Now was not the time for storytelling.   
"Gary!" This uncomfortable feeling was settling in the minds of everyone listening, hopelessness, maybe guilt.   
"Just listen, it's important." Mainly dread. 

"It was a dark and gloomy night in New York, the year was 2002. Agents Lance and Green were in the field recovering a misplaced athlete who was due to compete at the 1972 winter Olympic games in Japan. A level 2 seemed appropriate for Green's first field mission. 

Everything seemed to be going swimmingly until Green had attempted to apprehend the target, that was until the accompanying agent had stepped forward and offered near-perfect Japanese. The two talked until Lance was dragging both men behind her into a nearby alleyway. Panicked eyes poked holes in her poker face. 

Without a second thought, the athlete had been dropped off at his event and the agents found themselves back at their place of work. Agent Lance was a higher ranking officer, standing tall at any indication of danger. With no reason given, she ordered her insubordinate into a cupboard and ran off, taking with her only her wit, skills and Agent Green's time courier. He wasn't rescued until an hour or so later." That couldn't be it.  
"But where is she now, Gary? What happened here?" Whatever coping mechanisms the insane man was using weren't exactly helpful right now.   
"I don't know, I was stuck in the cupboard trying to remember all the details for my report."  
"That doesn't help us find her." After all the dreams she'd had lately, Ava only had this maddening instinct to protect the deadly human who was Sara Lance.   
"The injured agents are probably the best to ask, apparently she saved them." Finally. 

Not everyone had survived the attack. Director Bennet's body had already been removed and a few of the more injured agents hadn't survived a few hours in the hospital. It was almost so much worse. Many declared they owed their lives to the same idiot who had created a need for their jobs. No one had any idea of her whereabouts. 

According to the available information, Grodd had attempted a rampage through the bureau. After the people flung from his path and the Director, as shown on the video call, the murderous beast had turned to the building. There were no defences intense enough to stop him or even slow him down, until Sara. Gary's story had been helpful, surprisingly. During their mission, a warning had gone out to all agents of the situation. Being the hero she was, the White Canary was prepared to face the danger head-on. Their Director was dead but not everyone had to be. 

After liberating Gary's time courier, the next piece of the puzzle, Agent Stevens, had only told of someone pushing him through a portal onto the grass outside. Slowly, more joined him, equally confused. There were even a few thrown from windows, certain of their death before the familiar static of a portal and just grass. Once the agents had gathered themselves and attempted to sweep the building, they'd come up with nothing. No one left in the building, other than the odd Agent stuffed in a cupboard or locked room. The only one who couldn't be accounted for after that was Agent Lance. No gorilla anywhere and no traces of the hero. No answers.

There was no way to track any of the couriers. Any devices they could've used had been destroyed and there was no courier they could scan either way. Captain Sharpe hadn't said a word as her team started brainstorming, following her back to the ship.   
"Gideon, are there any recent mentions of Sara Lance in the timeline?" Maybe, just maybe, Sara had been a pain in someone else's ass too.   
"An athlete mentioned her at the 1972 Winter Olympic Games but other than that, none, Captain." The anachronism with Gary.   
"There has to be some way we can find out if she's alive." The frustration was getting the better of her, this wasn't like her. Flashes of her dream came to mind. This clear image of Sara kissing her and telling her she loved her. It may not have been real but it felt it.   
"Ava, we're going to find our friend. She always survives, remember." Amaya took over from here, their Captain was all out of ideas. She'd never actually lost someone before and now her old boss was gone too. What a mess.

What kind of Captain was she? Ava continued to belittle herself as she walked the short distance from the top of the bureau to her old apartment. No one else had volunteered for the job and it seemed about the only possible lead they had. Finding her wasn't anyone's job, they just wanted to. It was Sara. She'd taken the blame for a dumb mistake Ava made one time, risked her life for every one of them and now potentially sacrificed herself for a government agency that hated her. Was there no end to her stupidity? 

The walk took her back to a time before she cared about her little crew. She may have been given a portal watch but the daily exercise the walk home gave her was always a time to think. As she neared the corner onto her old street, Ava decided to pull out her phone. All-day she'd suffered from phantom notifications, hopefully from a certain someone but now she only scrolled through her camera roll. There wasn't much there, admittedly but she had a few memories. A few of the legends insisted on taking photos and always made sure to send over any photos Ava happened to be in. Scrolling past that, one of her first photos was one Sara had taken and sent to her. One of their first missions together had been finding a sabre-tooth tiger. Fun times. Just before they'd left Lance had insisted on a silly photo. Ava's eyes clearly betrayed her annoyed disposition. It was just a stupid picture, a small freeze frame before the nazis and Grood. Sara's soul may have been broken already but a time when things were slightly calmer was still sorely missed. As she neared the house, Ava only felt herself wondering why she cared so much for this other woman all of a sudden. 

Knocking did nothing, surprise surprise. The apartment was still technically hers though, her stuff was there and she had a key so she used it. She called for the woman as she entered. Inside nothing appeared to have changed since Ava's last visit. The place was lived in, sure, but still a little messy. Would more could she expect from Sara? 

Since there was clearly no one down there, Ava turned to head upstairs when for a second everything was different. In a flash the whole apartment was a mess. Broken glass beneath the mirror and rotten fruit on the counter. Once the image registered she'd turned back and none of the image was true. The mirror was still in one piece on the wall and the fruit was fresh in the bowl. Trying to clear the image from her mind, she carried on up the steps. Whatever was going on in her head was starting to freak her out. It seemed a trip to Gideon was due. 

It had been a long day, month actually. Seeing this as an opportunity for a mini-break, the Captain decided to text Ray that she'd stay at her place until the morning just in case Sara came back. If any hints came in they were to message her. All the normal stuff. 

The wind whistled as the rain picked up, as if the cold of the passing Winter wasn't enough. The horrid weather sent a chill down the resident's back as the noise grew louder, she needed a drink. She only turned to put something in the trash. In front of her was the missing girl, how was this possible?  
"Well, thank away." They weren't close like this. Was it a delayed effect of being the temporal zone for so long? Only a shower could help her need to relax right now. What more could she do?

One sound cut through the gush of the running water, the unlocking of the front door. By now Ava was done thankfully, the water had been from her attempting to brush her teeth but was quickly shut off and forgotten. If it weren't for how well she already knew the layout the woman may have knocked herself out against a wall.   
"Sara!" The name was desperate leaving her lips, foreshadowing her actions. A chilling breeze revealed how the door had been left open. Had she scared someone off? Actually reaching the door, Ava found herself tempted to chase whoever has been here. What if it was her? That thought process ceased when she realised the breathing she heard in the room wasn't just hers. Turning around ever so slowly, the blonde bundle on the floor was finally noticed. "You're alive." Whatever had her huddled in the corner of the entryway couldn't have been good but Ava hadn't quite thought about that one yet. Her first task had been to peel away the saturated blazer the smaller woman was currently clinging to. "My God Sara, you're freezing." She hadn't said a word as of yet but one problem at a time. 

Underneath the jacket, a soaked work shirt clung to the woman where it wasn't shredded. What had happened to her? Pulling her to her feet, the deadweight she was carrying had very little energy to help move herself to the couch but she did lean into the warmth of whoever was carrying her. Letting her down onto something more comfortable, Ava darted away to grab her a towel. Once the girl was wrapped up she told her Legends the news. Unsurprisingly, they all wanted to come over but Sara needed to rest for now, and possibly some medical attention. Gideon may be seeing her sooner than anticipated. 

Since she was there, she grabbed some dry, comfy clothes from her room before heading back down.   
"Are you awake?" Of course she wanted Sara to be comfortable but she didn't want to be rude.   
"Please don't talk so loud." So yes.   
"Can you take your shirt off?" Whispering this time seemed to have a better impact. The scraps soon slapped against the floor. When Ava turned back to the woman, as opposed to the clothes a gasp slipped past her lips. There were red marks everywhere. Judging by the dried blood, some of them were new, some of the more gruesome ones weren't though.  
"The other guy had it worse." Why her?

Pulling her to her feet again, Ava handed over her hoodie before steadying her to help with the trousers and finally sitting her down on the dryer side of the couch. The only time Sara had opened her eyes she'd squinted at the dim lights. Gideon was definitely getting a visitor soon. For now, warming her up and rest would do. Ava had only attempted to get her something for her when a hand gripped onto her wrist.   
"Stay with me?" This wasn't the woman she knew.   
"Water and painkillers, then I will." The hand released. 

That was how they ended up cuddled up under the fluffiest blanket either of them owned.   
"What happened?" Ava's hand continued to trace patterns on the other woman's shoulder, not faltering when she tensed. Her voice still barely broke a whisper.   
"How much do you know?" There was only so much she could know but if Sara was able to keep up the facade her mind knew didn't exist she would stay like this for as long as possible. When would she get an opportunity to be like this with Ava again? Her words from that day in the hotel still seared into her mind.   
"Grodd showed up, you took Gary's time courier, saved all those agents and then both you and the gorilla were gone." Never before had Sara been reprimanded in such a soft tone. The friendship the two had was so different from their original timeline.   
"I needed to save them." The damned hero in her was really showing tonight.  
"That wasn't all your responsibility, you could've asked for help," putting other lives, people with loved ones at risk just didn't seem worth it.   
"I couldn't save Director Bennet or a few others. No one else had any chance to fight him," fighting him wasn't even the point of the excursion, saving even one person was. Who knew how different this timeline was already?   
"You could've died." It was hard to regret that when someone else could live, in her place.   
"I know." Not like it would've been the first time.   
"Not everyone would've done it anyway."  
"I know." 

The silence hung heavy between the two. What was Ava supposed to say now? Nothing. There was nothing to be said until Sara told her the truth about the day.   
"We went to prehistoric times," why had no one thought of that? "He tried to mind control me to jump off a cliff. I managed to get him to drop his stone first and he went after it." Captain Sharpe would be lying if she said her breath hadn't caught in her throat at the mere mention of her associate so close to death. "He'll be back for me but we should have a little time to set up defences at the bureau." Why was this only about the bureau?  
"What about your safety?" How to show you care without saying the words, Ted Talk hosted by Ava Sharpe.   
"I'm fine, assassin's honour," that only made it worse.   
"You have a concussion," some simple humming from the smaller woman was enough of a 'fair point' for the minute.   
"That wasn't from Grodd though, that was from the fall." Fall?  
"What fall?" Even if this Ava wasn't the same woman from the previous timeline, it didn't make telling her this sort of thing any easier.   
"I couldn't stop myself from jumping," how was she here right now then? "I just used Gary's courier to make a portal below me and when I landed back today I landed on it," heroes could be really dumb sometimes, "Grodd had already gotten me to destroy my own." It was then that the Captain of the Waverider turned to her smaller friend and ignored the concussion.  
"Sara!" What to do when someone almost screams your name?  
"Ava!" Do it back.   
"That's not okay. What if you didn't have the right time on his courier? What if you hadn't been able to use it? What then huh?" The answer was staring them both in the face, neither of them wanted to say it.   
"Waited," the scariest thing to see on someone's face when talking about death, "What else could I have done?" Acceptance.   
"I can't lose you, Sara. Just, please be careful." Always. She knew her limits. Injuries were okay, as long as you survive. 

Conversation between the two was essentially non-existent from then on, that was until they moved to get up.   
"Can you help me?" All the briefly dissipated worry from earlier was back like a typhoon.   
"What's wrong?" There was no hiding anymore. With a small gesture to her back, once she was standing, Ava moved behind her to peel the hoodie up. No words accompanied the reaction Ava gave to what she was seeing.   
"You should see the other guy," this was the first time Captain Sharpe had full-on ignored one of her jokes. Usually, she'd get at least an eye roll. Maybe the pain was a good indicator of how bad it was.   
"We're getting Gideon to heal you," rushing around the room, Ava moved quickly to grab everything she'd need,   
"That's really not-," This was not really something that was up for discussion.  
"Now!" A portal opened before them and they hurried through into the same room Sara had visited so many times. She really hated the medbay. 

"Gideon," seeing as how the room was only used for injuries, the unsaid question need not be voiced.   
"Yes, Captain," Sure, the injury hurt but Sara had had way worse anyway, it was really no big deal. She'd live. "It would appear Agent Lance is suffering from severe bruising and swelling around her spine. If left untreated muscle spasms could occur with a risk of paralysis or even seizures." Sara didn't dare look up, there was one particular look she'd received many times from her Ava and she couldn't bear to see now. Worry, with a hint of gloating.   
"Huh, that's a new one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering I only planned for this story to be a one-shot at first I'm pretty surprised I've even made it this far. What's featured in the next chapter was originally supposed to be in this one but I just had too much fun with this one. That attack on the bureau should've gotten more notice than just one off-hand scene but that's only my opinion.  
> Be gay. Do crime. 
> 
> Features a mention of an avalance deleted scene in season 4. If you haven't seen it I recommend you look it up because it's so cute.


	8. Even The Strong Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Presents aren't always a good thing, especially when the recipient had been clear about not wanting it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've had a few comments lately asking for an update and I know this is a bit of a shorter one but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Updates are taking a little bit longer as I've recently gotten a new job and I'm still settling into that but I will try to keep up with the story for you guys. Thanks for sticking with me up to now.   
> Stay safe. Be gay. Do crime.
> 
> Sophie

Sara's POV

"Director Lance, Captain Sharpe is waiting in your office. I tried to stop her but she's really scary." Poor Gary, he could never win in any universe.   
"It's alright Gary, thanks for letting me know." The man was an alright assistant though and much more suited to the office than fieldwork. When he was stood behind me I got on pretty well with him. I only wondered how long his loyalties would lie with his previous boss. After the events that unfolded a little while ago, we both got promotions of sorts. Because of my devotion to the bureau, the rank I had overtaken from Ava and the respect I'd earned in recent months, I got the top job after Bennett. Gary, not suited to be forced to endure fieldwork, seemed rather happy to be my assistant of sorts. As for the unexpected visitor in my office, well, I was expecting to see her sometime soon.   
"Don't be too hard on Gary, I'd have asked him to let you in had you called ahead." Charm and power, how would she resist me now?   
"Nate said he'd tried to contact you with no luck." Ignorance, that was how. Anything I'd said went in one ear and out the other. Besides, I had my reasons.   
"Yeah but this isn't a personal call or about a video of a cute cat is it, Ava?" Whatever she wanted, I wasn't looking to prolong this conversation.   
"We need your help." There is it.   
"What is it?" Seeing as what time it was in our history there was one thing I was really afraid she would say.   
"We need totem bearers to fight Mallus. Recently, we recovered one from Elvis Presley himself, the totem of death and we want you to wield it." Bingo.   
"Absolutely not," and let that damn demon use me as a puppet again. No. Not again. There was no one to bring me back this time.   
"Please Sara." I'm not strong enough. 

Water. I needed something to clear my head and help me focus on something else. There were glasses and a jug in the corner of this office. Why did she follow me over there?  
"Sara, we need someone to wield death," I couldn't face her like this. She'd never know exactly what she was asking me to do, "I need you." That wasn't fair. Voice small and eyes unwavering, even this Ava knew exactly how to bend my will. I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt the people I cared about again, not like that.   
"I'm no totem bearer." Stay strong.   
"There's no one else who can do this," no more than a few inches before me stood the woman I'd been in love with in another reality, "please, Sara?" I was close enough to stare into sky blue eyes, did I have the strength to say no to her now?  
"Ava," She said to change it in that hotel room, I couldn't let her down again.   
"I need you." As if saying it again would make it sting any less. If I said yes-, no. No. No! I couldn't even consider the idea.   
"Captain, I have made my decision clear. Now, if you don't mind, I have work to get back to." Stuck between her and the side, I couldn't move until she did, and she soon did. 

A soft hand caressed my cheek as it had so many times before.   
"I need you." No, you don't. That didn't mean I made any effort to stop her as cautious lips made their way towards my own. There was plenty of time to pull away, I just didn't. 

For just a few minutes this was my Ava. This was the woman I'd fought a demon-possessed Ray and that creepy old bat who was in love with him with. The Ava who'd rescued me from Mallus and fought pirates with me on our first date. I let my body take over with her, ignoring my mind screaming at me to stop. It was having her moan a little in my ear that finally pulled me back to reality. Without thinking I'd kissed that favourite spot of her on her neck. That memory wasn't real anymore. 

Pulling away and leaving her against the counter her back now faced was no easy task.   
"I have a lot of work to do," killing wasn't a problem for me, this was, "I think you should go." Her reaching for me only brought back memories of that day in the hotel. 'Maybe we should have never tried this!' It was hard picturing those words coming from the same rejected woman fiddling with her hands in what was once her office. Even the memory chipped at my sorry excuse for a heart.   
"Okay." And she was gone. It was better this way, for all of them. 

Be smart and stay away; words we both needed to live by. For some stupid reason, I'd briefly believed Ava would've taken my no for an answer about the totem, that was until the little box sat on the dining room table of course. Nate made it the same as before. An envelope sat next to it with the code enclosed but I didn't even need it, the memory of the damn box haunted me. The chipping of the ice pick into my brain was starting again. If I couldn't stop this, maybe I could at least protect the people I cared about. None of this would've happened if Ava had just listened to me. 'I said no,' was about as much thought as I put into a message to her before getting to work. The pain would be crippling soon. 

After a few careful hours, my little prison of sorts was set. There was no getting out. No one would come to save me anyway, I'd even made it clear to Gary that I was taking a day off and one of the assistant directors would be taking over in my absence. If I couldn't fix this in a day, it wouldn't be fixed. There was always a plan in place if the worst happened. Mallus couldn't be killed by me, but I could and it wasn't long before I stood in that dimension again. 

Sand found every crevice in my boot as the possibility of my new reality really settled in my mind. In some vain attempt to feel some kind of warmth, I'd attempted to huddle into the sweater this timeline's Ava had given me. What would mine think of me now?

There was no time to ponder. The little girl from years before cowered until she saw her father, dying by my hand. Giving me no chance to save the child from these horrors, she begged by his side. Watching felt wrong. I should've killed her too and left but I had rules against that. The target was dead. My job was done. Why didn't I, why couldn't I just leave then?  
"You've always been good at what you do." Being a killer had never been my dream job.   
"I'm not an assassin anymore," not to the same level anyway. There were casualties from missions on occasion, no one else deserved to have my conscience.   
"Oh please, Sara, you're still a killer." Don't I know it.   
"It's a shame, you were a cute kid," if only she knew the incredible woman she would become, all the heroic things she'd go on to do.   
"I was never cute," did I hit a nerve? Probably just the childhood trauma and unrealistic expectations.   
"What do you want anyway?" The loaded question this was all leading to.   
"The totem of death, you were born to wield it." If anything I'd been resurrected to wield it but I doubt she'd have appreciated that correction.   
"I am no totem bearer." There were a lot of things I'd been that did not need a rerun. Having to experience this conversation again was painful enough as it was.   
"Oh c'mon Sara, you are truly talented. Imagine how much better you could be without that pesky humanity weighing you down. Let us help you reach your potential. Wield the totem." No matter how tempting the preposition was, I couldn't give in.   
"Never. I would rather deal with the pain of living," or die. The dark of her pupils spilt to the rest of her eyes before seeming to poison her veins. This wasn't just the young Darkh.   
"For what? Your job? All the people that cared about you are gone," a different timeline, "how would people react if they knew the real you anyway? Join me and you won't have to worry." Tempting.   
"I'd rather die."  
"As you wish. Adding yourself to your list of victims is a bit of a surprise though." This place existed out of time and reality, I could live lifetimes in here and just have to wait until the demon claimed my soul. Giving in seemed a good option for the shortest second. My brain continued to belittle me for the consideration. "Once a killer, always a killer." Could my body die despite the alternate dimension inhabitant? Guess I'd see. 

The first few hours were the worst. The scared kid from before the league jumped at every sound made in the endless desert of my hell. All the creatures that went bump in the night only had me to terrorise.   
"Here I thought you gave nightmares, not had them." My thoughts were audible in some not complete way. The memory continued to squeeze the breath from my lungs.   
"First time for everything." I longed for that familiar weight at the base of my neck. The laughter of my crew, Jax's leaving meal and even my first date with Ava just felt like these distant memories. Sure, they weren't real here but even my brain let the memories trickle away. 

Whispers shrieked and some called my name. Too much. Running did nothing as whatever was after me only caught up whenever I grew tired. Even the sweater did nothing for my anxieties. Ava's smell was gone, whatever was left was bland, odourless almost. The cold whipped against all visible skin, cracking against every other part of me. I felt every hole and rip in what I was wearing. The league was better than this. If I could make it out of the reveal of the unliving, surely I could get out of an unearthly prison, maybe? 

Chilled down to my bones, I'd finally found myself able to concentrate. No matter what the isolation said, I had people that loved me and a reason to leave. There was a way out. 

Back in the apartment, on the same table I kept my keys, perched a few pictures. Laurel's high school graduation was one. She'd donned her cap and gown with Ollie by her side and all of our family proudly gathered around them. Untouched by the true horrors of reality we'd been happy. Beside it had been one of my favourite moments, frozen in time. There had been a big fight a few days earlier but I couldn't even remember who it was against. A simple evening in the arrowcave. Felicity and Oliver were having a photo taken for some reason, they were happy. In the background dad and I were laughing at something Laurel had said, completely curled over. All I remember was my stomach hurting after. They would give me the strength to get back.

Furious hatred trickled down my back as the monster ended up locked in his cage again. I actually did it. In true totem of death fashion, my sister's transparent face was there to greet me. She wasn't completely gone.   
"It's all your fault." The smile that ghosted my face hadn't lasted as long as she had. Beside her stood many faces I only recognised somewhere deep in my subconscious, I only knew who they were because of their injuries. "You killed us all!" The only time I'd seen Laurel this enraged was the first time I'd walked into her apartment after the shipwreck. What could I even say to her? She was right. Without me, every single ghost here could be living. The hatred sped into a stream, echoing my own thoughts about myself. How could I ever deem myself worthy of something more than a prison? 

From amongst my victims, two prominent figures stepped forward. Who was I? Before me was the weak, little troublemaker who always caused mischief and the coward who'd turned into something she feared.   
"We aren't good enough," it was almost as if I was hearing my thoughts as they came to mind. There was no one I could be that was worth saving. "Give up, there's nothing to cling on to anyway. Everyone is going to die because of you, again. Save them. Give up." I'd have argued with myself if a fear hadn't suddenly pierced my heart. Laurel destroyed my teathers to this world. The glass could have been slashing my ears itself.

No physical pain could be worse than this. I was weak. My only distraction was the sand grating whatever it could reach on my legs. Chest heaving and tears soaking the sand below me, I truly had nothing left. Digging my nails into the tender skin of my head, some guttural sound crawled up my throat before ripping out. 

I give up. I give in. Nothing left...


	9. Even Heroes Crumble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without the love of her girlfriend to help bring her back will Sara return to the world of the living?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter has been pretty delayed but on top of work, a new litter of puppies and everything else I've got going on I am doing my best. For anyone who's stuck around this far, thank you very much I promise I will never stop writing this story until it is finished. Little by little, it will one day be completed. Now that that's over, I hope you enjoy.  
> Stay safe. Be gay. Do crime.

Ava's POV

None of my calls were answered. My orders had been to report directly to the director and ever since I last saw her there was complete radio silence. It hadn't been until I'd eventually gotten fed up that I gave in and called Gary instead. Despite how much he cared about people, his common sense let him down a little. Sara hadn't been in for a couple of days and he hadn't told anyone about the last message he'd been sent.   
'I'm taking a personal day. If I'm not back tomorrow let the board know they need a new director.' That had been sent the last time I'd visited the office. 4 days ago. He hadn't done as asked, thankfully. 

Despite checking her office, I found absolutely no clues. The next logical step was my old apartment. Everything had seemed fine from the outside, nothing out of the ordinary until I reached the door. Had she left the air conditioning on high? 

This breath of cold air had slapped me before the door was even fully open. Something stood behind it. It wasn't really standing I suppose, just this transparent thing hovering like those ghosts with Elvis. The totem. 

Pushing the door open, I hadn't expected to see the apartment quite literally haunted by Sara's ghosts. The personal day made sense now. One of the entities staring at me from the door was someone I recognised from Sara's file, her sister. Whatever reason had her here caused her fury. It didn't take a genius to find who the object of that anger was. Someone who had been the object of my affections not too long ago stood with their eyes open but unseeing. This wasn't my Sara. 

The snowy white of her hair had once seemed only an innocent colour, corrupted would've been a good descriptor for the host. Angry black veins tore strips from the lighter colour it had poisoned. The most terrifying was her eyes, shadows had nothing on the dark I saw in them. Where was my favourite shade of blue? It was all as if the sky had disappeared on a beautiful day. How had this happened?   
"Ava, I need you to get me out of here." Strained and not right. Whatever was happening must have had a reason.   
"Tell me what happened here," stand tall, remember your training. After the request was when her voice changed.   
"Release me you insolent being!" Bellowing would always be unnecessary, Sara would never. That voice could only be described as something out of a nightmare, somehow sending a chill down your spine with more words. It was in pain though.   
"Let me talk to Sara!" Words must've been beneath it, or at least some in response to me because it sprung forward in some attempt to attack me, I assumed. 

Everything stopped somehow. Whatever was holding them back must've hurt as Sara's legs buckled and a small scream from her throat seemed to fall out. She'd set something up to hurt it. I couldn't stop and think though because everything just happened so fast. 

The phantoms all turned on me. Whatever the plan was here, I had a feeling this was going to turn into another life or death situation. Why had I left my earpiece on the jump ship? I did what I could but I didn't know how to fight a ghost. They all taunted me, chanting about how I could've controlled the world with Mallus. He'd always been there. John hadn't been able to fight him. As the ghosts became to close me into a corner, they stopped, as if by command. Looking over, Sara's eyes appeared blue for just a few moments,  
"Ava? Why?" I'd never heard her so desperate. She made the mistake of reaching out her hand to me, connecting quickly with the cage before whatever defence she'd set up sent her to the floor. I called for her and she didn't listen but that wasn't the last I heard her voice. Crying and choking out words with some seemingly pained breaths, she only had one thing to say to me.   
"Why did you do this to me?" I never saw her eyes. It couldn't have been Sara that had said that, right? Further accusations couldn't clear that up because I hadn't anticipated Sara having a contingency plan. Some kind of dart shot at her as soon as I touched the shield. 

She didn't move. 

I only watched for the rise and fall of her chest and even that was minimal. Something was wrong. I didn't know how to handle this, my first aid training was limited to CPR, bandages and sprained ankles, I wasn't exactly equipped to look over an ex-assassin, especially one possessed by a timeless demon. When had my life become a one in a trillion statement? 

Ignoring every part of me screaming at my stupidity, I took death totem Sara back to the ship. Possessed or not, I didn't want her to die. There had been an incident involving Damien Darkh's daughter before. Whatever Sara had come up with had been adapted into a sort of weapon and she'd been seriously hurt, Ray saved her then. Seeing as how he'd made progress and hadn't developed it in the first place only made me worry for the woman all hooked up in the med bay. We'd all wanted to see her, but not like this. We'd have to wait for Ray's antidote to kick in, that's if it would even fix anything of course. Damn superheroes always putting their lives on the line. 

As a precaution, we were forced to move some of the medical equipment to the little holding cell the ship had. Whenever someone could sneak away, they'd keep an eye on her. We were still working under time constraints. Sometimes she was alone. 

Organising the day's missions should've been simple enough. We had our missions. Ray was working with some reactor and one of the broken totems whilst the rest of us worked on our individual tasks. I was going to leave when Gideon had informed me that the woman we kind of kidnapped was awake. It would've been good if she was herself. There was no time for a visit right now anyway, so it didn't matter. In hindsight, a totem-wielding, demon-possessed ex-assassin probably could've been squeezed in for a quick visit. All the other precautions had been taken too. No talking to the prisoner, Gideon included, why hadn't that been enough? Director Hunter and his codes. They should've all been written down. 

The mission itself had gone fine, literally a half-hour job. An unsettling feeling had followed me as soon as I'd left the ship though, never ignore a gut feeling. Once I'd returned to the ship with the others, the plan was to debrief in the lab with Ray. This arrangement had not included him being unconscious. Sara. There were two possibilities here, either something got on the ship or someone got loose. Going off of the apparent knowledge of the ship the attacker seemed to have, I think that was enough of an answer. 

Amaya got injured and confirmed my suspicions. She was lucky to make it to the med bay with only a broken leg. If it weren't for Wally, well, everything could've gotten a lot worse. Anyway, once the elephant had been revealed we were left with the puzzle of getting out of there. Only one person could help up now.

I made the call. The lives of everyone on the ship and potentially the existence of humanity relied on his shoulders here. Gary needed to find John Constantine. The call only became more difficult as time went on, Gideon warned up of her impending shut down when it was far too late to stop it. No lights. No electricity. No first aid. There wasn't the time to be explicitly clear. After where and how to find the weird, British wizard,   
"Death totem," and "Sara possessed," was hopefully enough to get the point across. I may never have felt particularly close to my parents but I still wanted to see them again. Didn't we all deserve at least that?

If I'd have known being a legend could've put me at a much higher risk of death, I probably still would've accepted the job to be fair but I wasn't expecting my boss to be the one to do it. Despite what the horror movies taught us, we split up and in true Scooby-Doo fashion, we ran into our bad guy. So no one would be alone, I accompanied Zari to try and get the jump ship up and running. No matter how much I tried she only focused on who Mallus wanted her to see. I only saw Sara. 

There was something in her eyes that I couldn't quite place.   
"You look tired." Just a statement on my behalf felt so familiar.   
"Thanks jerk." Blonde hair gave way to white and what smile she'd had now resembled more of a grimace. Too late to run. This was all wrong. Making the most of my slip-up, the dead-eyed woman before me seemed only moments away from killing me. All the time travelling and dangerous events and my life was to end like this? There was no use fighting her. Sara could kick my butt anyway, the immoral demon and superpowers didn't exactly help.   
"Sara, please don't do this, don't give in." The grip released from my throat momentarily. Confusion replaced the murderous gaze and for just a second I could've gone swimming in the seeping pools of blue leaking through. 

There was no time for this, that was clear to me. Zari used her powers to put distance between us and our predator but not before she'd struck a blow. She wasn't a lost cause though. We would find a way out of here and find a way to help her. Everyone on the team had a small injury by now but it didn't matter because we couldn't just give up on her. Bruises heal, death doesn't, except sometimes for Sara. The point was, we couldn't just hide. Constantine and Gary weren't here it was just us and Sara. Ray was out of action but maybe his project had worked? We didn't exactly have a lot of options here. 

Two teams. It may not have been the best idea but we needed one group to draw her attention while the other went for the totem. Nate and I were on the distraction team, just us. We wouldn't be able to hold her off long but hopefully, long enough, there was no plan B this time. In all honestly, there was barely a plan A. 

Follow where your gut tells you not to go. There was no trace of her anywhere, why would there be? It had actually been Nate that had found her. His gargles for air were what tipped me off, we weren't winning this. 

It was no longer just me and her, conscious in this hallway, two more had joined us. John made it, Gary too. Maybe we could do this. Who was I kidding? John had started an incantation of some kind before handing me a bottle with directions to flick its contents on her. It was the sizzle against her skin that set my hairs on end. Never, did I ever want to hurt her. Never again. 

For a moment I was somewhere else.   
"I've already given you everything. Get out!" My heart ached for the grieving soul before me. When I blinked, it wasn't the same Sara. If the vision had manifested because of her power, she had more than we ever could've imagined. How else could she create a vision that had never existed? There was no more time to ponder as I was soon flung into a nearby wall. 

This wasn't over, it couldn't be. They couldn't have her. 

Some kind of fight was going on somewhere on the ship, I only had to follow the noise. 

Whatever had happened in there had finally given us an advantage, although when I ran in it was in time to see her head hit the floor. No thinking was really involved on my part past that. Her name left my lips as I threw myself to the floor beside her. I think I'd had this nightmare before.   
"Sara, I'm here, we all are. We need you to fight this. I'm right here, can't you feel me?" I knew everyone here was watching me, why wouldn't they watch a sobbing mess on the floor? "You can do this, okay? You're strong and you're brave and you're a damn good leader but most importantly you're a legend. You told me a while ago that legends don't give up easily so prove it." All of a sudden this pressure began to fight gravity and the weight on my hand. The power of the totem was being used to lift her to her feet, was she still riding shotgun in her head? Judging by the ghostly silver of her hair, I didn't have to guess. 

There was no time to fight her now. By the time I'd blinked John was unconscious on the floor with Mick while Zari was flying through the air and I was bound to be next. In true Star Wars fashion, my airway constricted without contact.  
"Sara, please," this couldn't be it, for her or us. 

She let go. My body crumpled underneath me at the sudden weight and breathlessness. "You wouldn't hurt anyone in this room, why let Mallus make you?" Just the simple act of not longer being currently killed showed there was some hope left for her. "C'mon Sara, we both know you can do this," Cautiously, I took a step closer, "so don't you dare give up on me now Director Lance." One more step.   
"Ava?" He'd used the voice trick mere minutes ago against John but the eyes weren't one solid colour this time.   
"I'm right here." Finally, we were getting somewhere, or so I thought. 

Mere inches before I reached her the evil took over once more. Something held me in place while I was forced to look into the evil eyes of a friend.  
"She will watch me kill you a thousand times, trapped in my prison. Beg for your life so she may know the penance for trying to fight one as powerful as me." Her outfit changed before me. White Canary. Smiling down at me she winked, threw out some cheesy line with a smile and disappeared out of sight. It would be okay, somehow, someway.   
"Be the White Canary, Sara!" 

Turning away, I readied myself for what was inevitable only it never happened. It was the gasp that made me turn back to her. Blue eyes terrified for just milliseconds before they closed. Blonde hair fanned around her face as she fell to the ground with a resounding thud. Without any hesitation, I'd tried to catch her and failed. All I could do was rip the totem off whilst the others awoke around the ship. 

Everyone else had been healed by Gideon, we all felt the ache in our bones. The memories of the day's events couldn't be scrubbed but now we knew to create some kind of safety net just in case one of our own turned once again. Gideon had been relieved to be back on and was currently healing the director in our med bay. Seeing as her injuries had seemed the worst, she'd been in one of the chairs first but was yet to awaken. Our onboard nurse had said it would take a while because of the number of injuries but now she was healed and just out of it. When was the last time she'd slept properly? 

I'd actually been about to check on her when she'd walked into the captain's office, where I was.   
"Please don't make me do that again." This conversation going to be painful, she was exhausted in more ways than one.   
"How did you even find the totem?" Only Nate, Ray, Amaya and I knew where it was.   
"It was in the apartment when I got home," how did it get there? "Speaking of, you might want to grab your stuff before I get kicked out. I told Gary to send my letter of resignation." Good thing I called him then.  
"He didn't do it!" She was leaving, I couldn't let her do that without knowing she still had somewhere to go. "I mean, when I called Gary, he told me you were missing and I wasn't letting you go that easily." Even Mick would be able to tell she was drowning in her thoughts right now. "If you're looking for company Director, I could always stay at the apartment tonight, cook something, watch some Netflix, chill." Not everyone likes being alone, let alone after everything.   
"I have lots of work to do, maybe some other time." Oh. Okay.   
"Sure." 

According to the rest of the crew she'd apologised to each of them before departing, that was kind of her. My little mission before bed had been finding out which of the boys had delivered the death totem to our unwilling bearer. It had been both Ray and Nate. 

A few hours later we got a message to report directly to Agent Green as the Director was taking a holiday. The last few days must've taken a lot of out her, I didn't blame her for wanting a break. 

The next morning I had the idea to try and lift her spirits a little, some of Gideon's delicious French toast. When I'd knocked at the front door I hadn't exactly expected to see a half-naked Sara. Eyes up Ava.   
"I thought you might like some of Gideon's exquisite French toast," she is an adult that can cook. Why did I think this was a good idea? Thankfully I got distracted in the worst way, a very pretty lady squeezing past me out the door and thanking Sara on her way out. No matter how much the anger in the pit of my stomach flared, I had to force it down. There was nothing between us, never was, probably never will be. "Busy night?"


	10. Importance Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight with Mallus may have gone a little different with foresight and a lot more pent up emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These updates may be gradual but they're still some kind of regular which I'm pleasantly surprised about. Thank you for sticking around this long, it really means a lot. I hope you all enjoy.  
> As usual, be gay. Do crime.  
> Sophie

Sara's POV

Rip was going to sacrifice himself again. The man had saved my life, it was only fair I attempted the same for him. So I risked it all. 

Those few minutes before the time core blew could be useful for something other than a goodbye, I had to try. There was nothing for me in this life, no one needed me here so why not take the risks to save people that mattered? 

There wasn't the biggest window to do this. The earpiece I stole from the waverider told me when the time core had been stolen and was due to explode. I faced Rip on the opposite side of the lethal device. A portal fizzled behind him.  
"Go, Rip." He had a future, literally and metaphorically.  
"Someone needs to set off the core." There's me thinking he'd put two and two together.  
"Why do you think I'm here?" The voices in my ear cried out for my life too, I destroyed it soon after. "You have a chance to help this world, people who look up to you. Live for them." His grip started to fidget, he didn't want to die either.  
"I'm not leaving you here in my place Sara, what about your family?" It was time for him to drop the selfless hero act, my turn for the hero gig.  
"Dead, you know that. Besides, I never stay dead for long, remember?" The deep roar from Mallus was all the distraction I needed. Diving over the core I managed to startle him enough to drop it and push him through the still-open portal. I closed it to a frantic Brit patting himself down, no doubt looking for the courier I'd already stolen. It was purely unnecessary for Ava to be the last thing I saw as it closed. Saving her the hurt was worth stealing any good memories, they were plagued with me. 

Seconds had never passed so slowly. The demon edged closer as I counted down my moments. Which would get me first? Neither apparently. As the flames licked my skin, a hand grabbed the back of my shirt and I fell. 

I wasn't dead this time. By no means was my landing on the floor painless, I felt the scorched skin on my face and body too, but I was currently in the realm of the living.  
"What is it with you? I just don't get it. You're always throwing your life away for some false hero play. What's wrong with you? Running around sleeping with random girls and wasting your life. Is this your cry for help or something?" Maybe, how could I dispute that argument? Deflection.  
"I didn't sleep with her."  
"Sure Sara." So that’s part of what this was about, jealousy. This was the woman I was in love with to be fair, I wanted so much better for her.  
“Some guy put something in her drink and I looked after her." My words changed her. No longer mad at me, she'd turned to herself and then soon the matter at hand.  
“None of that’s important right now. We got as far from Mallus as we could, but we can’t hide here forever. Go get healed up and meet us in the bar, I'll try to come up with a plan in the meantime." That really wasn't necessary.  
"I'll come with you now, we don't know how much time we have." A hand I hadn't even seen grabbed onto my shoulder, doing damage to my words in the process.  
"All due respect Director, get your ass to the medbay or I will carry you." This was no time for games.  
"Ava, you couldn't," my words were cut off by nothing short of proof. Bark and bite was always something nice to see in a person. 

Seeing as how I hadn't slept in a while, a short nap was in order while Gideon was fixing me up. What I hadn't expected in that small moment of peace was for something to have followed me. I may have been in the eye of the hurricane, but this was a whole other shit storm. Around me, just paragons and dark. Around me, I watched the strongest people I'd ever met crumble, even Kara. She'd asked me to promise her one thing, just in case she didn't make it back, she'd heard how I never stayed dead, apparently. There was no wish to pass on a message. The paragon of hope asked me to live on without guilt. I'd tried to fight her on it and she wouldn't have any of it. Worse still, I found notes she must have made for herself, a diary of sorts. Her worst fear was being the last of us. Everyone had their vulnerabilities, you could see them as time passed. What worse horrors could there be than the last of the multiverse going mad? All we had to hold on to were chipping memories and fraying clothes. It was happening again. 

Ava was calling for me, I could hear her but even my body willed me not to move. I wouldn't reach her in time. I couldn't stop it. Everything was a waste. Everyone was… crowded around the medbay looking to me. This wasn't the same everybody that had just haunted my slumber but my old team, and Helen of Troy.  
"Gideon said to wake you, everyone else followed." Hadn't the new captain learnt yet? The team was a family, they looked out for their own and were a little irritating at times. Now they were due for one of the biggest fights of their lives, and I wasn't sure we'd win this time. 

Before, Ava had stayed because the timeline was risky to travel through. That was enough for me to stay this time, too. We couldn't call for help. To add more wood to the fire, the reason everyone was on the ship was because of the henchmen Mallus had sent, and the message. 24 hours left and no plan as of yet. They had come to me for help. 

We could've used the same plan as before, but now I wasn't sure it would work. Something just felt really off. I put it down to Rip being alive and Ava no longer the director of the bureau, but this nagging feeling still sat at the back of my mind. There was something more wrong with this timeline. Me, obviously. 

After a very unsuccessful meeting, I'd gone back to the ship while everyone else had stayed at the bar, apart from the person following me of course. One of my sharper weapons was flicked out to my palm, knives always worked better for intimidation. 

Finally reaching a corner, I waited before grabbing whoever it was and holding the blade to their throat. The little squeak had caught me off guard.  
"I just wanted to talk, I swear." Surely of all people, she knew better.  
"Ava! Don't try to follow a trained assassin," what was she thinking? "Especially at a time like this." The knife was hidden as quickly as it had appeared, the woman before me not regaining her composure quite so quickly. Seeing no reason to delay any further, I carried on towards the ship at a slower pace, to give her a chance to catch up. Her footsteps were noisy as she caught up to me. Had there been no training for that? At least she was quiet as she walked beside me. 

I needed to think. We could use the same plan as before, provided Ava agreed but there was no guarantee it would work again or that I could get my hands on the death totem. Part of this was going to have to go the legends way, see what happens and improvise. There was still this lingering feeling that something terrible was going to happen though. 

I was right. After a quick chat with Ava, Nate had pulled me aside and asked me to wield the totem, of course I agreed. Once I actually had the totem everything still went tits up. Mallus was stronger somehow. Rip had been stabbed by some pirate and that had set everyone else into a fury-hazed fighting spree, which was just dangerous. Ava and the others had all sustained varying degrees of injuries and now it was up to me to pull the sword from the stone and win this. I didn't have to make it out; they did. No matter what it takes. 

With the totem now around my neck, I felt the electric buzz tingling within. We hadn't had time to raise Beebo, so now I had to dig in to whatever power I had. Using control I didn't know I possessed, I forced the energy to build with each pump through my heart. Around me, I wasn't even sure what was happening over the ruckus. By chance, I looked to my left just in time to see a viking about to strike Ava. Allowing the power to strengthen me rather than control, almost instantly I was stood beside them. One simple kick had sent the man flying. Now the warm up was done, it was time to start stretching my temporary abilities. 

Someone crying my old captain's name was what set off the real power. He was gone, again. Feeling all my emotions finally pop the bottle cap right now hadn't been what I'd expected to be the start of the end. With a cry and the painful spill of power, everyone on our little battlefield lay still at my feet. Not dead, I hoped. 

Just me and an almost immortal time demon hell-bent on destroying the world must be Tuesday. The power started to burn. It started at my heart, that poison, almost dying in front of my parents and Nyssa. It was happening again, wasn't it? The warm, misconception of death coursed through my veins. I couldn't do this on my own, but together wasn't working either. The totem bearer before me gave in to Mallus, was turned against their own people. He was trapped before. Spirit, water, earth, fire and air made a cage transcending time and space. Death does that on its own. I needed a killer blow, literally. 

If I could reach his neck, I'd be able to complete the mission on my own, even with the size difference. Climbing had always been enjoyable for me, it just never had stakes quite as high as today. This could be it. 

I gave it all I had. Climbing a mountain of a demon was difficult enough. Him attempting to swat me only had victory slipping further from my grip. It didn't stop me. For a single moment I thought I'd done it, I'd reached a point on his back he couldn't reach to rest for only a little. That was until I lost my footing. Even the league didn't have any training for what I was doing. There was enough energy left in me to catch myself, but I wouldn't have hit the floor, anyway. A callused, clawed hand found itself wrapped around me, one squeeze and I was done for.  
"You could've had a good life for yourself by my side, why squander it?" Why must the cocky give time to talk? He was so confident he'd allowed me time to think.  
"Never really been one for authority." He looked away. 

Every ounce of strength I had left I called for now. Death had power, energy couldn't be destroyed after all. 

In our little nearby town lay 3 armies and legends. They all had weapons. Guns, swords and even the odd sharpened wooden plank from some house. Everything was, hopefully, behind me. 

The grin wavered slightly as Damien Darkh's mutated form turned back to me.  
"You 'heroes' always love the theatrics." Behind me, he gestured to all the people I'd endangered and left behind. "Cowards the lot of you, nothing without your little costumes," I hurt them. "and so very fragile." For a moment I thought he was going to cause them pain until this constricting squeeze started on my waist. With every breath less air made it back into my lungs. More than anything, the ache of it burned against my skin as this devilish cackle could faintly be heard. Much longer and he'd crush me. I needed to kill him. Hundreds of weapons paraded forward. Only one or two needed a good hit. 

It must've worked. Clearly I was new at the powers though. The flying armory hadn't avoided me. Paired with the left-over pain, oxygen deprivation and my long fall to the ground, well I didn't see the immediate time that followed. I did feel something, though. The bigger they are, the harder they fall and the ground shook just moments after I landed.  
When my eyes opened again, surprisingly, there was still no sign of movement from the village behind me. Had I killed them? Despite the pain, I was on my feet in no time. As fast as my feet would carry me, I rushed to where I’d left them. I just wanted to see them. Ally and enemy alike still lay unmoving. Surely if I had used the totem to take their consciousness I should, theoretically, have the power to return it. It was worth a shot. 

Picking a spot far enough away that I didn't bleed on anyone, I tried to figure this thing out. There was no guide for this. Deep breaths and a calm state seemed to be the way to go, but that was no easy feat with all the blood I was currently losing. I had the energy to return what I needed to, so that was what I was to do.

In my mind's eye I saw them all wake up, then get up. I willed it to materialize. Performing this magic of sorts was draining. Everything has its consequences and unsurprisingly this power's was a physical toll on the body that controls it. I almost gave in. So many lives were counting on me to wield something I knew nothing about. They were important. What was a little more pain for me in the process? The legends would get me to the ship and Gideon would heal me anyway, probably. Not that any of it really mattered. Outrunning my real death for a couple years didn't really seem worth it. It wasn't the first time I'd died, anyway. That's what I told myself as I powered myself with pride and guilt until I heard someone call my name. By that point, I couldn't open my eyes, but I knew they were all okay. They were important. 

Sat in that apartment alone again, I saw so many memories play out. Gideon had healed me as usual and Ava was pretty mad, again. The stiffness of near-death held me in place. I almost stole entire lifetimes from people today, and all that was on my mind now was that I'd still stolen memories from some of the people I cared most about. Mistakes they no longer had to make and adventures they no longer got to live. If I could fix something it would all be worth it. They were more important than my happiness. This intricate web of time I found myself repeatedly jumping in on was always going to hurt. What came next would only be worse. Rip was dead anyway, I haven't been able to save him. My next adventure would be dealing with Nate's dad, on the other side this time. Offering myself up to a demon seemed in my cards too, I wouldn't put Captain Sharpe through that again. 

Picking myself up from my little perch at the table, I made my way upstairs to my room. I'd never really be able to atone for all I'd done. There was too much bad for me to be considered anything else. That simple, honest life little Sara had wanted all those years ago seemed so childish now. Rather than training to be a doctor, I'd learnt the best ways to defy the oath. There was a person I was never destined to be in my dreams, who I was, was always going to be a terrible person. Bide my time, save the people I care about. Save the people that matter. 

I promised myself I'd save my team when I was stuck in the temporal zone. Us paragons, we weren't a team. We lost Ollie, we lost everyone we'd ever cared about, and then Barry ran off too. Lex spent his time talking over anyone who'd get within 10 metres of him and the rest of us pretty much kept to ourselves. I'd never seen the girl of steel so utterly shattered. Between training and the very little sleep she got, I caught her praying often. Her language was never of this Earth but the point was still the same. My activities were similar to what I'd done in the league. Train, and when you're tired, train harder. Every broken panel at the old Time Masters’ headquarters was another shadow demon I destroy. That training would probably come in handy in purgatory, especially the madness that came with it. 

There were days when I was looking for Barry, that I found myself searching for the remains of my Leonard Snart, in vain. That was my only connection to my world. I never found him. I never really hoped to either. I may be scared of death in itself, but endings are always the more nerve-wracking part, not that I’d ever tell anyone that.


End file.
